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Intro: Mara's Submission
Mara's Recap
Mara's POV
It was fourteen months after the Hutts came into power, and she didn't like the new galactic order one bit. She didn't care what the polls said, Hutt rule would destroy the galaxy. Mara had dealt with Jabba during his previous dealings with the Empire. She had been the one to pay him one billion credits in exchange for rebel base and fleet locations as well as access to Jabba's hyperspace routes. {C During this time, she had watched the capture and enslavement of Princess Leia Organa with glee. She had thought the bitch would get what she deserved and suffer terribly while in the Hutt's grasp. The next time she had met with Jabba to deliver Mon Mothma for him to execute, quietly, she had found Leia still bound to the Hutt. Strangely, she hadn't seemed miserable. Leia had sat by Jabba's side obediently wearing almost nothing, covered with tattoos that mark her as Jabba's favorite, and seemed very happy. Mara had deduced that Leia had been broken easily and was still depressed on the inside.
While talking with Jabba, she had thought she had seen a look of lust in his eyes while he looked at her, but had believed she was just imagining things. She had been wrong. A year after Jabba accepted the deal from the Empire, he had betrayed them. Declaring war, he ordered a swift and decisive invasion. Amazingly, within a month the once invincible Empire had been brought to it's knees. Jabba now ruled from Coruscant. Mara had gone on the run after the emperor was killed, but had been captured three months ago by bounty hunters and brought to Jabba. To her surprise, she wasn't imprisoned or killed for being a prominent member of the former empire, but had been added to Jabba's slave harem.
Mara had been horrified to discover that Leia now was queen of the harem. Leia claimed Jabba treated them well and they all were very happy here. Mara didn't buy it. For three months, Mara had resisted. She obeyed no orders. She simply sat in the harem in one of her incredibly revealing costumes; a tight black netting that 'covered' her assets, a red golden arm bracelet, and somehow everlasting make-up. Mara was not practicing, not dancing, and not pleasing. Jabba did not have her executed or even punished, but he had told Amanda, the harem mistress, to have her 'tamed' five days from now, before the next Hutt Council meeting.
Amanda had taken to spending long nights with Mara in an attempt to break her. Mara refused. She had told Amanda that she had special abilities and might be able to set them all free. Amanda had replied that Jabba was inescapable and that she would rather die than leave his service. Stupid brainwashed girl. Mara didn't buy this immortality or unbreakable collar crap. Sooner or later, she would get out of here.
"Mara, soon you will put aside this rebelliousness of yours and serve The High Exalted One. Trust me, he encourages your spirit, but you must put aside your pride and recognize him as the god he is," Amanda was saying. "Never, I will not obey him!" Mara yelled. Amanda sighed. This would take a while.
A Change in Plans
Leia's POV
Across the palace, Leia was currently relaxing with her master. After sharing some Huttese wine with him, he lowered his hookah to her mouth. "Oh, thank you master!" Leia squealed, eagerly taking a hit. She fell back against him laughing uncontrollably as her high spread through her. "Are you enjoying yourself, my pet?" her master asked her. Leia smiled. "Yes master," she replied. And she was. This was what she lived for.
Fun, pleasure, and pleasing her master. That was her life. She reflected back to a time she barely remembered. At various periods in her life, she had been a princess, senator, and famous Rebel Alliance leader. None of it had mattered. Her life had only gained meaning when her master's gaze had signaled her out, when he had ordered her brought to him. Foolishly, she had scoffed at him, claiming he would regret enslaving her. He didn't, and neither did she.
He continued to enslave new, lucky girls, and Leia and her best friend Amanda had tamed them most of them easily. The harem now numbered two dozen human and twi’lek slave girls. Leia made twenty five. Only one girl still resisted. Her beauty more than equaled that of the other slaves, was on par with Amanda's, and was only clearly surpassed by Leia's. But she was a problem. Three months, and she still resisted. Jabba wanted her ready in five days, and poor Amanda had been forced to stay up late for two weeks now, trying to teach Mara her place. So far, Amanda had reported little progress.
Suddenly, Jabba tugged her leash. Shaking off her high, Leia knelt before her master. "What do you wish of your pet, high exalted one?" Leia asked. Jabba rubbed her shoulder. "Now you will pleasure me, for we shall not spend the night together," Jabba said. Leia was stunned. "What do you mean, master? Has your pet displeased you? If she has, please tell her how so she may correct herself. If her offense is too grievous, she will gladly accept death as her punishment," Leia begged, worried that she had failed her master.
"No, you have not displeased me. But I sense Mara cannot be broken by you or Amanda alone. Tonight, she must sleep with me and realize what I can offer her. You must spend the night in the harem," Jabba regretfully told her. Leia nodded shakily, accepting his decree. "Since we will not be together later, you must please me now," her master ordered. Grinning, Leia began an intense evening with her master, determined to make the most out of this situation.
After Jabba had finally had his fill of her, he sent her to fetch Mara. "I'll see you tomorrow I guess" said Leia rather sad "Fear not my dear, tomorrow you will sleep with me again" said Jabba. Leia looked up with a smile and gave him a big kiss on the lip. She the reluctantly left her master's side, but not before shacking her butt for him and giving him a sexy wink, and left for the harem. Entering, she found Amanda and Mara sitting on the couch, the former engaged in a fruitless attempt to tame the latter. The second she saw her harem queen enter, Amanda immediately fell to her knees. Recognizing her better, Amanda touched her forehead to Leia's foot. Leia smiled at her approvingly. Amanda was an excellent harem mistress and a loyal best friend.
Mara, on the other hand, defiantly remained on the couch. In her superior queen tone, Leia said, "Mara, The High Exalted One demands that you spend the night with him tonight, alone, for he senses it is the only way to tame you." Mara walked off the couch and passed by Leia. "Hutt slut," Leia heard Mara taunt. Leia considered reprimanding her, but decided to let it pass. Mara would have learnt her place by the end of the night, and besides, Leia considered the term a compliment. As Mara left, Leia looked down at her obedient best friend. They had an interesting evening ahead of them.
A Talk with Jess
Mara's POV
Furious, Mara stormed out of the harem. As she began to consider if she should indeed obey Leia's order, she heard an unwelcome voice. "Mara! You ready to go?" asked Jess, walking up to her. "What are you doing here?" Mara demanded. "Well, her highness asked me to escort you to your meeting with our glorious master. Now come on, or you'll be late!" Jess said.
"Listen Jess, I'm not going. I don't want to spend the night with that slug!" Mara declared. Jess reeled back as if struck. "Mara! How can you insult The High Exalted One? After all he does for us? If you don't come, I will have to ask her highness for guards to escort you. Don't make me do that," Jess asked. Mara knew she wasn't lying. Fine. She would rather enter with dignity then in the clutches of Jabba's henchmen.
"Alright, let's go," Mara conceded. She began to walk down the hall. The ever-perky Jess smiled and ran in front of her. This only served to annoy Mara. "Jess, why do you call that rebel scum her highness? Leia's not even here, and it's not like she deserves that title," Mara asked, walking slowly towards the throne room. Jess glowered at her. "Because Mara, our queen deserves more respect than anyone besides our master. Trust me, she is the greatest thing that has ever happened to our harem. I know what a cruel leader can do, Mara, and it's not pretty," Jess answered.
"But Jess, she's just a slut for a ruthless crime lord. Don't you see how low she really is?" Mara intoned. Jess stopped walking. Her cheeks flushed red, and her face took on a look of extreme anger. "Careful, tyro," warned Jess with barely contained fury, "I may not be mistress or queen, but I am still a senior slave here and your superior, remember that. I will not stand here and let you continue to insult my master and my queen. Now apologize, or I will ask her highness to punish you. She will, I promise you that."
"And how will she do that?" Mara challenged, "Jabba obviously doesn't want to beat me, clearly to trick me into thinking he is merciful." Jess flashed a wicked grin. "No. We don't do that here. The High Exalted One cares about us far too much to hurt us. It hasn't happened in over fifty years. But her highness has ways. She can restrict your privileges and prevent you from having any fun with your sisters whatsoever," Jess fired back.
Mara fumed. To her shame, she had grown attached to the luxuries of the harem and the intimate games between these misguided women during the three months she had spent with them. Taking a deep breath, Mara said, "I'm sorry." Jess smiled, gestured for her to keep walking, but still maintained a guarded mood. Mara hesitated, then asked, "But don't you ever hope to get out of here? To have freedom? Listen, Jess. I was an important asset to the emperor and my powerful abilities could aid us in getting out of here. I could kill the guards out front. You, me, and the rest of the girls could walk out, steal a ship, and go to a Hutt-free planet. Please Jess, don't you ever wish for a life free of your master?"
Jess sighed. "No, Mara. I don't. Ever. If somehow I was teleported half a galaxy away, completely free and with a million credits to my name, the first thing I would do is get on a ship and come rushing back, then beg our master to let me return. I know what you think, but I am not brainwashed Mara. I've experienced a privileged life without slavery, and I have to say, being a pet to The High Exalted One is ten times better. Soon you will realize this as well. Our master cannot be resisted, only obeyed. In return, he gives us a life free of worries, free of fear, and free of danger. And on that note, we're here!" Jess exclaimed, as they were now just outside the throne room doors. "Have fun Mara," Jess said, gently pushing her inside.
A Deal
Mara stepped inside, and was greeted by an almost empty room. Only one being still remained at this hour, and it was to him that Mara's gaze was drawn. Jabba the Hutt reclined on his massive throne, grinning at her. "Ah, my rebellious pet has joined me," his voice boomed around the room. "Come to me, my lovely," he ordered. Mara did so, stopping in front of his dais.
"Do you wish to please me, my lovely?" he asked her. Mara shook her head. "No, but this will definitely please me!" Mara yelled. She hadn't been lying to Jess when she said that she had powerful abilities. Now she had Jabba alone, and this was the perfect time to use them. Channeling her anger, she released a torrent of blue lightning at Jabba. He may have been strong, but Mara knew he had no defense against this. The lightning reached Jabba's skin.....and fizzled out into nothing. Mara struggled to keep up her barrage, but the lightning refused to have an effect on him. Breaking off the attack, all she could do was stare in amazement.
"How?" Mara asked, stunned. Jabba laughed. "You are not the first beautiful woman to hopelessly attempt to kill me," Jabba boomed, "And, like the first, you shall know my mercy." Mara could not resist as invisible hands grabbed her and forced her face inches from Jabba's. Powerless, she watched her master's great tongue extend out of his mouth and reach towards her. Her face could still move, but she could not avoid her master's kiss.
"No pleas..." Mara begged, but Jabba's tongue intruded into he mouth. His powerful tongue quickly overpowered hers and took control of her mouth. Mara had no choice but to submit to his assault. Strangely, after a while, she began to enjoy it, though she still struggled to break away. Jabba's tongue finally withdrew. "Did you enjoy that, my pet?" he asked her. Mara's cheek's flushed, but she did not respond.
The invisible hands holding her lifted her onto the throne, right before Jabba. There was no question, it was obvious Jabba was an extremely powerful force user. Mara had been personally trained by the emperor, but it seemed she was no match for Jabba. "Now you will pleasure me, my lovely, and finally accept your place," he told her.
Mara laughed at him. "Even if I enjoy my time with you, which I doubt, it wouldn't make me appreciate you," she scoffed at him. "You will Mara. For three months you have yet to experience the pleasure I can give, but that will now change. You have seen how happy and pampered my other pets are. You think it is a trick, but after tonight you will realize what an honor it is to serve me," Jabba said. Mara scowled at him. "So you say, but I am not as weak as the rebel bitch that you keep on a leash," she warned.
This greatly angered Jabba. "Do not insult my favorite!" his voice boomed. Mara lowered her eyes to the floor. "Yes, master," Mara accepted. Then she realized what she had just said. She had never called him 'master' before. Jabba petted her shoulder. "Now, you will obey my every command," he ordered. Mara regained her composure. "No, I won't obey, I'd rather die. You'll just have to kill me," Mara said. Jabba laughed. "Shall we make a deal, slave?" he offered. Mara considered him. "What kind of deal? she questioned.
"You will obey my every command tonight. In return, tomorrow morning, you will be free to leave," Jabba offered. Mara was stunned. "I don't believe you, I know you want me badly, I don't think you would give me up just for one night of passion," Mara challenged. Jabba grinned. "You will not be leaving. I said you would be free to go, I didn't say you would want to," he replied. Mara laughed. "You honestly believe that? I still have resources across the galaxy, I won't want for anything if I am on my own again. Why would I even consider staying?" Mara asked.
"Because you will not be able to bare leaving your rightful place. I am so confident that you will beg to stay that I offer you this. In the morning, you will accept your place as my pet and begin your life as a willing slave," he said. Mara grinned. "I doubt it," she defied. Do you accept my terms?" Jabba asked. Mara was amazed. This slug's overconfidence would be his downfall. "Very well. I look forward to leaving your revolting presence forever tomorrow," she promised. Jabba stroked her shoulder.
A Night with The Exalted One
"Remove your clothes," he ordered. Now free to move, Mara reluctantly did so, removing her red bra and bikini and tossing them to the side, leaving her naked before her master. "Suck on my tail," Jabba commanded. Mara hesitated, but knew this would be worth it. She crawled to his tail and took it into her mouth. Immediately, she was surprised by how..bearable.. this was. She sucked while awaiting his next command. "Now massage it," Jabba ordered. Mara took his tail out of her mouth and began to stroke it. She was amazed by how firm and muscular it was.
That was how the night went. As the time passed, Jabba gave her more and more vulgar commands. And Mara soon realized one thing; she wasn't disgusted. Despite the fact that she had had nightmares about doing this, it wasn't repulsive by any means. Still, Mara didn't understand how Jabba was planning to use the night to make her stay, until his commands changed. Jabba began to order her to do things that specifically benefited her. She began to experience an emotion she had never truly felt before: pleasure. And she loved it.
Mara immediately suspected he was just giving her these specific orders just to give her a favorable impression of a night spent with him, but logic quickly disproved this theory. The acts he made her do were so enjoyable, so perfect, that it was doubtless that he was used to giving them to his other slaves. Jabba was clearly accustomed to ensuring his slaves were satisfied, even if he didn't need to be to obtain pleasure for himself. This led Mara to a shocking conclusion that he cared that his slaves were happy. She didn't have much time to ponder this, though, as Jabba kept her busy.
Remember what the emperor taught you, remember how important you were to him, his first and only Hand, Mara thought to herself. Yes, that was right. Mara already had dedicated herself to a master, a kind and just one, and this slug's dethroning of him proves he is truly evil. And then, Mara's beliefs of her early life were shattered. Jabba began to enter her. With his every thrust, a new vision appeared in her mind, each one quick and clear.
She saw the emperor training numerous Hands, all told they were the only one. She then witnessed the emperor torturing a prisoner with sadistic pleasure. Scene after scene flooded her mind. Atrocities committed by the empire, the cruelty of the emperor, people suffering under his rule. Her entire life had been a lie. All the hard work and effort she put into it had only served evil.
She considered the possibility that Jabba had just created these visions and that they were all lies. But she realized how crazy that was. Creating untrue visions in the force was possible, but extremely difficult. If Jabba could do this, he could definitely use dark side mind control. Why didn't he just use it on her and all his pets? They'd be easy to dominate. All thoughts in their heads would cease, replaced by an urge to do whatever he said, with zeal. The fact that she could think these thoughts right now proved he was not using it on her. Even though he easily could and still receive the same pleasure. But why?
The answer crashed into her mind like a tidal wave. It was because he cared about her, cared about his slaves. It was the only explanation. He could dominate their minds, take pleasure from them and make their lives a living hell. But he didn't. He wanted them to be happy, wanted them to have a wonderful life in his harem. She should have realized it sooner, when Jabba had grown so angry when she had insulted Leia. It was because he cared about her! As the visions ceased and she reached her climax, Mara now knew where her place was.
"Ahhhhhh!" she moaned as she collapsed into Jabba's side. He gently rubbed her shoulder, giving her a minute to recuperate. After she had mostly recovered, Jabba asked, "Will you now serve me, my lovely, as my slave and as my pet?" Mara looked up at him. She had thought him repulsive, disgusting. How foolish she had been. With her realization, Jabba now appeared to her as the most attractive being in the galaxy. He truly was a far superior being.
Mara knelt before him, "Yes, master, your pet will serve you forever. She begs to be accepted as one of your slave girls. Please forgive her earlier disrespect and take her as your slave, she knows her place now," Mara said. "I accept. Welcome to your new life. I am sure you will please me again soon. Return to the harem I graciously provide for you, I am sure your queen will be glad of your new mindset," Jabba said. Mara rose and bowed deeply. "Yes master," she said.
Return to the Harem
Mara entered the harem. The room was completely quiet. The lights were almost all turned off, only a very dim glow illuminated the room. Making her way past the pools and sofas, she opened the door to the lift. She knew where she was going. Leia and Amanda were constant companions, it was obvious they would be staying together in Amanda's room. The lift made its way silently past the night rooms, where all of the non-senior slaves slept with the guests they had managed to charm. The lift stopped on the fourth floor, where all of the senior slaves' rooms were.
Mara stepped out, walking quietly down the hallway, so as not to disturb the senior slaves and their guests, who slept together in the luxurious, private rooms. At the end of the hallway was Amanda's room, the biggest of them all. Mara walked to the door. What should she do? Knock and probably disturb everyone, including Leia and Amanda, from their sleep, or barge in? Mara decided to open the unlocked door slightly. Peeking inside, she discovered Amanda snuggled in Leia's arms and laying on her left breast, both asleep and naked.
Mara silently walked in silently, then slowly closed the door behind her. She wondered of she should wake them up, but they looked so comfortable; she didn't want to disturb them. Still, she was very tired, and needed to sleep. Mara decided to simply lay on the soft carpet floor and close her eyes. As Emperor's Hand, she had slept on worse.
Mara soon fell into a deep sleep. She dreamt that Amanda and Leia shunned her, refused her. Mara and Leia had been on opposite sides before, and that worried her. She wanted to apologize for her earlier behavior and become friends with them, but she wasn't sure she would be accepted. In her dream, Leia threw her out of the room, then when to Jabba and had Mara thrown out of the palace altogether. A day ago, Mara would have jumped at this, but now it terrified her.
The alarm clock beeped at 9 am. Mara, with her assassin training, woke up first. By the time Leia and Amanda stirred, she was already kneeling at the foot of the bed. Her sisters started to moan and yawn. "Thanks for listening your highness," Amanda yawned. "Of course Amanda, last night was...Mara! What are you doing here?" Leia asked. She seemed startled, but not angry.
Mara bowed her head. "I have come to repent for my actions, your highness. I see the truth now, as you promised I would. Rebellion, Empire, none of it matters. All I care about is pleasing The High Exalted One. I am sorry for what I said to you, your highness, and to you, my mistress. Will you accept me?" Mara asked. Leia and Amanda smiled at each other. "Welcome sister," Leia said, climbing out of the bed. Mara began to kiss her queen's feet.
Leia let her go on for a bit, then ordered, "Rise, Mara." She obeyed. Leia leaned in, then gently began to kiss her. Mara responded. After a couple seconds, Leia pulled back. "Our former allegiances no longer matter Mara, and I am happy to call you sister," she said. Mara smiled. "Thank you, your highness," Mara replied. Leia then looked at her questioningly. "But Mara, why did you sleep on the floor? There's plenty of room in Amanda's massive bed," Leia asked.
Mara smiled. "I didn't want to disturb you, and I wanted to be here when you woke up. I've slept in worse before," she explained. A frown appeared on Leia's face. "Oh Mara! You must have been freezing, sleeping in your costume with no blanket on! Understand Mara, that you're living a life of luxury now. You're entitled to sleep in a comfortable bed for the rest of your life," Leia answered. "And we would have enjoyed your company," Amanda chimed in.
"It's not too late. Why don't we have some fun together? What do you say, Mara?" Leia offered. Mara was suddenly conscious of the fact that she was the only one in the room clothed at all. Removing her costume, she said, "It would be my honor, your highness.” Leia, Amanda, and Mara got into Amanda's personal hot tub. Mara was soon introduced to all of their favorite games. In their favorite, the giggle game, Mara's training allowed her to outlast Amanda.
"Hahahaha, yes, yes!" Amanda said, "Damn, Mistress Leia was the only one who could ever beat me. Let’s see you play her!" Mara tried her best, but Leia's face didn't move an inch. On Leia's seventh turn, her resistance finally collapsed. "Hahahaha, you win, your highness," Mara admitted. "Of course I did, now let's see if you both can't beat me!" Leia challenged playfully. It took a while, but even Mara and Amanda working together couldn't make Leia move an inch. First, Amanda giggled, then Mara. Leia wasn't the queen for nothing.
After two hours, the girls prepared for dance practice. "I take it you'll finally be joining us?" Amanda asked. Mara grinned. "I have a lot of experience, I'm sure I'll impress you," she promised. Putting back on her clothes, Mara walked out of the room and into her new life.
Mara's New Life
First Practice
Amanda's POV
Amanda followed Mara out of the room and into the harem. She was extremely happy. Mara was the first new girl since the taking of Coruscant to be added to the harem, though she wouldn't be the last. The High Exalted One eventually desired one hundred beautiful girls to be his pets. He planned to accomplish this within the next year, during which he would make the harem twice as large as it already was. The additions was planned to start in several days, and would take a week. Right now, not including Leia, twenty-six or so slave girls resided in the harem. Six girls slept in their personal rooms, while the other twenty slept on the second and third floors. The 10 rooms on these two floors were identical, but the third floor was reserved for girls with guests.
The harem could accommodate them all, for now. But on nights with no festivities (Parties were only held five nights a week now, due to Jabba's duties as Emperor), the girls just barely fit, doubling up in the second floor rooms. Another girl and they would be over packed. The new addition would fix this. The main harem area would be considerably expanded, but that wasn't the main addition. The number of rooms on the third floor would be increased to 100 and the number of rooms on the second floor would increase to fifty. That way, even when 100 slaves slept in the harem, there would be enough room even if they all slept on the second floor (they preferred to double up.) Each room on the second and third floors would be of better quality than any other room in the galaxy, and the senior rooms on the fourth floor would be even better than that.
Looking around, Amanda surveyed her sisters. Leia sat on her favorite blue silk couch that had essentially become her throne, watching the others dance. Amanda led the practice, keeping a close eye on Mara. True to her word, Mara's skills were impressive, she would be a wonderful addition. Mara had been extremely difficult to train, but the rewards were extremely gratifying. At long last, Mara had seemed to accept the truth.
What was up to Amanda now was to see that Mara adapted well to her new life. She knew it would not be hard. A life free of all responsibilities besides pleasure was an easy one. Here, they were not poor peasant girls or over-worked members of the nobility. Here, they were goddesses of lustful passion, desired by every man and envied by every woman who entered the palace. Most importantly, they were beloved by The High Exalted One himself. In return, they loved and worshiped him for the god he was.
For the hundred thousandth time, Amanda mentally thanked her master for bringing her here. At best, she would now be an old woman with white hair and wrinkles running across her body, a shadow of her former self. The worse and more likely scenario was that she would be already dead, a forgotten corpse in a Bespin dump. Instead, she was here, seventy-six years old, looking not a day older than twenty-one.
Amanda had always had a master, of course. Jaxton and Vol, the two smugglers who had found her and made her strip at the casino. Her father, what was his name again? She didn't remember and she didn't care. All she remembered was how horrible he had been, how he had abused her. Looking around at her twenty six sisters, she knew none of them had been quite as broken as she was, but all still loved and embraced their new lives. Now, Mara did as well.
Leia suddenly beckoned Amanda over. Leaving Jess in charge of the dance practice, Amanda walked over to and knelt at her Queen's feet. "What do you think of Mara?" Leia asked. Amanda smiled. "She is very impressive, your highness. She will be more than ready for the Council meeting," Amanda assured her. "Yes, I am sure she will," Leia agreed. "Now I will return to my master, ensure Mara and her sisters are ready," Leia ordered. Amanda bowed her head, "Yes, your highness," she said. Leia left to return to Jabba, while Amanda went back to the practice area. They had work to do.
Leia and Jabba
Leia's POV
As soon as Leia entered the throne room, Jabba's large powerful eyes immediately focused on her. "Come to me, slave," Jabba commanded in his deep Huttese voice. Leia approached slowly, then bowed low before her master. One of his stubby arms reached out and cupped her chin, and Leia found herself staring at her great master's face.
Leia looked at him, her Hutt master. His red, reptilian eyes, massive slimy body, and large powerful tail; Leia wondered how such a perfect and powerful being had ever come into existence. She knew it was beyond her comprehension. "Your master has missed you slave, now take your place beside him," he ordered. Leia slowly climbed onto the dais, then sat up and awaited hid first command.
Her relationship with Jabba was complex. He loved her, cared for her, and needed her, but he also treated her as a slave; an inferior being who was expected to obey his every command without hesitation. Leia wouldn't have it any other way. She obeyed this slug, this amazing, attractive, perfect slug, because he was her rightful master. He was all she lived for. She loved him, appreciated him, and worshiped him for being the wonderful master he was.
As Jabba's meetings began and Leia did her job, acting as a piece of furniture or trophy on the throne and staying silent, she continued her musings. Her life was perfect, she was fulfilling her destiny to serve Jabba as his favorite slave, and yet; Leia was starting to have her doubts. Not of her master, she would never doubt him, but of herself. Every day, she sat in front of Jabba. And every day, he grew fatter, grander, and more powerful. And as his size grew and his shadow towered over her, she questioned her ability to satisfy him.
Leia was beginning to doubt her worthiness for the honor that was being Jabba's favorite pet. She knew of course that if she wasn't no woman was. Leia loved Amanda, Mara, and all her sisters, but she was well aware of her superiority to all of them. Still, she wondered if her master should simply keep two or more favorite pets at a time. She knew this would be a great dishonor in the Hutt culture, but it might be the only option. Leia didn't voice these concerns to her master, though. She knew it was not her place to question him or give him suggestions. But if he ever asked, Leia would tell him of the doubts she was experiencing. For now though, she enjoyed this time with her master. She leaned her back into his belly, and his slime immediately began to stick to her skin. She had missed that feeling.
As the day wore on, Leia could tell her master desired her. His hungers were great, and she hadn't pleasured him for nearly twenty four hours. Sensing this, she began to sit in even more sexy positions, enchanting her already wonderful curves. After every meeting was done, she leaned back and grinned at him, then licked her tongue along his fat chest, running it across his slime. Leia could tell he was getting very aroused. His massive tongue constantly licked his wide lips, and Leia knew he was giving her lustful, even perverse, glances every five seconds. After his last meeting was finally done and dinner was over, Jabba dismissed everyone from the throne room. They all knew why. Two years ago, Leia would have been extremely embarrassed by this, now she was proud, proud everyone knew that she was the Hutt's concubine. After they had left, Leia's leash tugged her around.
Leia was pulled to within inches of her master's face. His fat, dripping tongue oozed out of his mouth and began to kiss her across her face. Instead of recoiling, as she would have done two years ago, Leia accepted the tremendous honor of receiving the Hutt's affections, kneeling down before him and letting his tongue soak her face. She was giggling, which Jabba loved hearing. After ten minutes, the Hutt finally ceased.
Leia was pulled upright again, at which point her Hutt master belched right into her face. She smiled as she inhaled the rancid breath, as her nose had adapted to love the smell. Lowering her head, her face dripping with slime, she remained silent. Her master hungered for her, and tonight he would be eager to display his mastery of her. "You are mine!" his voice boomed, "And I will do with you what I want!" "Yes, I am yours, master," Leia said submissively, accepting his dominion of her. Jabba laughed. "I know," his voice boomed. His tail appeared in her face, and she immediately took it into her mouth, licking and sucking it with all of the intensity she could muster.
To her, Jabba was more than her master, he was her god. Some would this was crazy, but Leia had her reasons. Her life was dependent on his generosity. If he wanted to, with a flick of his wrist he could end her. She was putty in his hands, every aspect of her life was determined by him. And he was always present. Somehow, probably due to his supreme command of the force, he was always there at the back of her mind. The leash, too, added to his constant presence. Before, she had hated it, now it was her favorite part of her costume.
After pleasing her master for hours, he was finally satisfied. Hoping she had done her job well, Leia fell into a deep sleep.
Discontent
Early Awakening
Mara's POV.
The night after the Hutt Council meeting, Mara stirred. The clock showed four in the morning, she had gotten up five hours early! There was no commotion in the harem, the alarm hadn't gone off by accident, and even the usually bustling Coruscant skyline, visible out of the rooms' many windows.
For a second, Mara was startled to find two smooth arms wrapped around her, then she remembered the previous night. Turning over, she looked at her bed companion. Amanda was sleeping peacefully, as of yet unaware of Mara's awakening. Unlike the rest of the non-senior slaves, Mara wasn't doubling up with anyone in one of the opulent second floor rooms.
Usually, she would have been quartered on the third floor, with a court guest, but their had been no festivities the previous night. Instead, she was currently on the fourth floor. Seven bed rooms there were set aside for the senior slaves; Jess, Lyn Me, Melanie, Rystall, Diva, and Amanda. The seventh had not yet been awarded.
These rooms were far superior to the ones on the lower floors, which were extremely luxurious in their own right. Amanda's was the largest and most luxurious of them all. Amanda's invitation had surprised Mara. The senior slaves were proud of their extra luxury, and didn't usually share it with the lower slaves. Amanda and Mara didn't need to be alone to be intimate with each other (which they had been.) Modesty and privacy were non-existent in the harem. Amanda, however, had explained that she wanted some extra "quality time" with the beautiful Mara, and had invited her to stay in her room as a reward for performing so well during the Council Meeting earlier. Mara, of course, had been in no position to refuse her mistress.
Amanda's beautiful face finally stirred, and she stretched and yawned. "Mara?" she asked sleepily, "What's wrong?" "Nothing, mistress. I guess I'm just used to waking up earlier," Mara explained, which was true. As emperor's hand, she had generally slept five hours a night, not the ten her sisters were used to.
"I know it's hard, Mara, but you're not an assassin anymore, you can sleep late now," Amanda scolded. "Sorry, mistress," Mara replied. Amanda smiled. "Now go to sleep, love you," Amanda ordered. Mara turned over. "Love you to," she said, closing her eyes. With difficulty, she went to sleep.
Unusual Emotions
Amanda's POV
The next afternoon, Amanda surveyed her sisters. Dance practice had just ended, and they were all free to enjoy themselves. Jabba would be going on some sort of trip tonight, so the evening festivities had been cancelled. Some were kissing or playing other 'games'. Others were sipping soothing wine from glasses of perfect crystal. Still more were swimming or dosing in one of the ten pools. Leia was currently reclining on her favorite silk chair, sampling some wine herself, thinking about her previous night with her master. She was alone, but at her command, two newer slaves came over. At her orders, they began to serve her. One began to comb Leia's hair, which had gotten wet from a swim in the pools. The other went over to one of the fruit bowls and pulled out a bunch of grapes. At Leia's prompting, she began to feed them to her.
Leia closed her eyes and grinned while her sisters served her. Amanda smiled. Leia had certainly gotten used to being harem queen. Though completely and utterly submissive to her master, Leia now conducted herself as royalty while among her sisters. Amanda could not have been prouder, having trained Leia since her arrival. She had introduced Leia to their ways, taught her to dance, shown her their games, and then watched Leia surpass her and take her rightful place.
Yet Leia was not the same as traditional royalty. She demanded the same respect and diffidence, but her attitude was very different. Normal royalty were constantly on guard and stressed, always looking for ulterior motives. Leia did not. She may have while princess of Alderran, but the Queen who was being fed grapes right now was greatly changed from the reserved former Alderran royal. Her intellect, except that which involved pleasing her master and running the harem, had dimmed considerably. Her eyes had lost their luster of intelligence, no longer calculating or concerned with anything or anyone.
Except Jabba and her sisters. Her master was the ruler of the galaxy, he handled the matters that required political and intellectual intrigue. Leia had other concerns. She kept the harem running and pleasured her master, two tasks that suited her new personality very well. She didn't care about galactic affairs, she cared about being a good slave to her Hutt master, and that was how it should be. In two years here she had forgotten all she had learned while Princess of Alderran. Leia had told Amanda that she didn't care that she wasn't nearly as bright as she used to be; because it was required to run the best harem in the galaxy in the way that a Harem Queen should. In that, she was unequaled. And that was all that mattered.
Looking around, Amanda spotted Mara. She looked...well, discontent. She was sitting on the edge of a pool, occasionally chatting with another slave, but mostly remaining silent and glum. Amanda was puzzled by this. Tamed slaves did not experience unhappiness. Amanda could barely comprehend it. It was like her brain was saying Does not compute. On the verge of panic, Amanda reeled around to look at Leia, but she was already gone....

(Main Series) Friendship is Magic #1-4 The Return of Queen Chrysalis (Major Storyline)
Main Characters - Mane 6, CMC, Chrysalis
Summary - Queen Chrysalis has returned, replaced all the citizens of Ponyville with changelings, and kidnapped the CMC. Will the our heroes be able to stop her before it is too late? Or will rising tensions between the friends spell out their doom?
Quick Review - A worthy introduction to the comics with some fun character moments. Any comic drawn by Andy Price is worth checking out for the art alone. Chrysalis literally throws a kitten at a wall and it explodes into blood. 6/10
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FiM #5-8 Nightmare Rarity (Major) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Rarity, Mane 6, Luna, Spike
Summary - Rarity is overcome by insecurity and the fear that she doesn't provide enough to the group, and allows herself to be corrupted by Nightmare. As her friends rush to save her, Luna must overcome her own guilty past in order to defeat it again in the present.
Quick Review - Nightmare Rarity's design is superb. So are the moon denizens. Katie Cook's writing style can lean into the absurd sometimes, but she knows how to do an emotional moment. We see how Luna earned her flowing mane. Spike saves the day. Trixie gets a few lines. 8/10
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FiM #9-10 Zen and the Art of Gazebo Repair (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Big Mac
Summary - Big Mac has to find nails to fix his gazebo during the Summer Wrap-Up festival. But the world has other plans for him.
Quick Review - Big Mac plays a wonderful comedic straight man. Seriously, the comic is hilarious, the art is amazing, and Big Mac is a chad. Dude has to fight off like four different mares fawning over him, including Luna. He just wants to repair his gazebo, for god's sake. 9/10
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FiM #11-12 (Neigh Anything)
Characters - Cadance, Shining Armor, Biff Tannen
Summary - Discover the romantic tale of how Cadance and Shining Armor came to be. Can Shining Armor prove himself worthy to Cadance? Will she choose him over High School Gigachad Buck Withers? Probably.
Quick Review - I enjoy it. Not much to say. Shining Armor belts out some Oingo Boingo for Cadance, and lord knows there is nothing more romantic than singing about how much you love little girls. (6.5/10)
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Annual 2013: Equestria Girls (The Fall of Sunset Shimmer)
Characters - Sunset Shimmer, Celestia
Summary - Sunset Shimmer is a magical prodigy. But Celestia will not further her teachings, because despite her prowess, the young sorcerer has much to learn. Sunset believes otherwise.
Quick Review - To everyone clamoring for a proper Sunset backstory and motivation I am proud to announce that this is not it. It's unbelievably vague and generic. It pains me as a massive Shimmerfriend. Also, all the human designs look like ayy lmaos. More so than the show. Hopefully they pick it up in the next EqG comic... (3/10)
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FiM #13-14 (My Little Pirate)
Characters - Fluttershy, Mane 6, Hoofbeard
Summary - Fluttershy has become too attached to a fish she rescued, and regrets letting it go. So when a dangerous pirate arrives looking for a crew, she take it is an opportunity to reunite with her fish. Also a pirate adventure thing, Hoofbeard seeks a treasure behind a perilous journey.
Quick Review - Utterly forgettable. I really cannot be bothered to reread it for a review. It was okay I think? (5/10)
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FiM #15-16 (The Book Worm)
Characters - Twilight, Mane 6
Summary - A magical bookworm begins devouring his way through Twilight's library. That wouldn't be such an issue (except to Twilight), if the characters from to books didn't begin popping up in the real world. Now Twilight and co must take down the bookworm in it's own domain: The Realm of Books.
Quick Review - I like Pinkie's fantasy world. Another just okay one. Lotta references to other media. Marvel, LoTR, Disney shlock, you get the idea. The void had some solid character moments for Twilight and Rainbow. (6/10)
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Friends Forever #1: Pinkie & Applejack
Characters - Take a guess
Summary - In the issue, Applejack and Pinkie Pie enter a baking contest, and culinary hijinks ensue.
Quick Review - Rough start for FF. Predictable and silly. Art here is really not good. However, it does have Guy Fieri pony. (3/10)
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Friends Forever #2: CMC & Discord (Highly Recommended)
Characters - CMC, Discord
Summary - Discord takes the crusaders to increasingly dangerous dimensions in their search for a cutie mark.
Quick Review - This one is super sweet. Some of the best Discord showing in the series. The CMC being some of the only ponies to understand and show gratitude towards Discord for his effort is so damn heartwarming. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #3: Celestia & Spike (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Celestia, Spike
Summary - Spike wants to get Twilight something nice for her birthday, but the gift he settled on turns out to be slightly hard to come by. He enlists Celestia's help in getting the gift for her student, a gift found deep in the dangerous Crystal Mountains.
Quick Review - By far my favorite portrayal of Celestia. Lot of nice and touching dialogue between her and Spike, and some insight on Celestia's mindset as a ruler and teacher. Shame they went further down the "Celestia is an incompetent and petty klutz" route later on. (8/10)
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FiM #17-20 (Reflections) (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Mane 6, Celestia, Starswirl, Sombra
Summary - Celestia has been secretly visiting another dimension for quite some time. A world where good is evil, and evil is good, and she has fallen madly in love with the benevolent King Sombra. A world where she and Luna are villains threatening to take over both dimensions. And it's all her fault.
Quick Review - This one is super polarizing. For me, it's a collection of great ideas utilized poorly. The mirror dimension is a very interesting concept that I wish would be re explored. And i'm content with all the characters. But the climax, touching as it maybe, kinda dampens this one for me. Still, (7/10)
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Friends Forever #4: Twilight & Shining Armor
Characters - ^^^^^
Summary - Twilight Sparkle is worried her and Shiny have drifted apart since their foalhoods. An opportunity presents itself to rekindle when her and Shining Armor team up to catch a ghost that haunts the Crystal Empire palace.
Quick Review? - Turns out, there are a lot of FF comics, and a lot of them are pretty inconsequential. There are only so many times I can say, "It was cute. I liked it." before that gets redundant. So unless I have something more to say, i'm gonna reduce these to just Rating and Summary. Pretty good tho. (6/10)
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Friends Forever #5: Fluttershy & Zecora
Summary - Fluttershy and Zecora try to figure out why Fluttershy can suddenly hear her animal friends talk. Spoilers: It was Discord. Go figure.
Rating - (4/10)
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Friends Forever #6: Rainbow Dash & Trixie
Summary - Rainbow Dash is called upon by a newly crowned Queen Trixie to perform for a kingdom of Diamond Dogs. Turns out being Queen isn't all its cracked up to be.
Rating - I mean, it's got Trixie. (6/10)
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FiM #21-22 (Manehattan Mysteries) (Recommended)
Characters - CMC, Babs, Trixie, AJ, Rarity
Summary - Doesn't need one. Trixie and Babs are in it. Go read it.
Quick Review - The relationship between Babs and Trixie here and they parallels they draw from each other are pretty great. I always love those kinds of strange character interactions. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #7: Pinkie & Luna
Summary - Princess Luna seeks Pinkie Pie's help in making ponies laugh so she can participate in a Royal Event.
Rating - (6/10)
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Friends Forever #8: Applejack & Rarity
Summary - Typical Rarijack episode, road trip edition.
Rating - It introduces those stupid bull cowboys. For that (4/10)
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FiM Issue 23 (Pets to the Rescue)
Characters - Angel, Winona, Opalescence, Owliscious, Gummi, Tank
Summary - When there owners are nowhere to be found, the pets team up and must set out to find their owners and assist them in whatever magical conundrum they may have found themselves in.
Quick Review - I think the villain here would have been really interesting in almost any other scenario. Other than that, minimal dialogue, and the art isn't exceptional, so (5/10)
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Friends Forever #9: Granny & The Flimflam Bros
Summary - Granny Smith helps Flim and Flam patch things up after they have a falling-out over a mare.
Rating - This one is pretty wholesome. (7/10)
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FiM Issue 24 (Discord in Time)
Characters - Discord, CMC, Flutters
Summary - Discord take the CMC and Flutterbutter on an a journey through time to show them some animals. Hijinks ensue.
Quick Review - Another really nice Discord issue. He isn't use to having all these friends and watching out for them in his chaos, so he drags them along in his dangerous adventures. He then immediately forgets this lesson. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #10: Fluttershy & Iron Will (Major)
Summary - Fluttershy helps Iron Will with has marital problems.
Rating - (6/10)
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Friends Forever #11: Rainbow Dash & Spitfire
Summary - Rainbow Dash helps Spitfire overcome her greatest fear: Children.
Rating - Art style is cute, but super jarring. (6/10)
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FiM #25-26 (The Good, the Bad and the Ponies)
Characters - AJ, Mane 6, Bulls
Summary - Doesn't matter.
Quick Review - Don't read this one. Seriously, it's bad. Nothing really makes sense. Applejack has some sort of brain defect. Twilight arbitrarily cannot use her magic on Equestrian citizens. Even when they are dangerous criminals, apparently? (1/10)
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Friends Forever #12: Pinkie & Twilight
Summary - Twilight tries to help Pinkie overcome her harrowing cocaine addiction. When that fails, Twilight starts doing coke herself to make the guilt go away. Pinkie stops doing coke for like five minutes, and Twi considers that a success.
Rating - (4/10)
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Equestria Girls Annual 2014: Holiday Special
Characters - Humane 6, Sunset Shimmer, CMC
Summary - The holidays are nearing, and Sunnybun is feeling pretty down in the dumps. The girls try to cheer her up by inviting over for a few nights of debauchery. This cheers her up a bit. So, the Humane 5 go home on the shortbus and Sunny walks home, finally content with herself. Meanwhile the CMC decide that Sunset is keeping them from spending time with their sisters(?) and start a social media account in her name, called Anon-A-Miss, which they use to spread explicit photos of their sisters from the "sleepovers" and frame Sunset. Everyone in the school begin to tragically suffer from severe mental deficiencies and buy it immediately. Because the chick who just saved all of your sorry asses from soul sucking harlots like a week ago is going to post shit about her friends with her fucking face attached to the account.
Quick Review - I really wish I could shit on this more, but I got quite a bit to get through. (-3/10)
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Friends Forever #13: Rarity & Babs Seed
Summary - In the issue, Rarity must entertain Babs Seed when Sweetie Belle falls ill. Turns out Babs idea of entertainment is different than Rarity's.
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FiM #27-28 (The Root of the Problem) (Major)
Characters - Mane 6, Bramble, King Aspen
Summary - The Everfree spontaneously begins protruding into Ponyville. At the root of this problem, the druid-esque Deers who wish to reclaim the parts of their forest that were lost.
Quick Review - The Deer are really neat, and having them be the night elves of Equestria is a fun concept. But the deer people kind of get the shaft, and most of the story focuses on the avaricious minotuar Well-to-do. (6.5/10)
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Friends Forever #14: Luna & Spike
Summary - In the issue, Princess Luna enlists Spike's help in solving a dragon problem in Fillydelphia.
Rating - Luna and Spike spend three pages together, and the rest of the story is focused on an annoying pink fangirl dragon. (4/10)
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Friends Forever #15: Applejack & Mayor Mare
Summary - In this issue, politics are boring.
Rating - (5/10)
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FiM Issue #29 (Ponymania XXIX)
Characters - Cheerilee, Cherry Blossom
Summary - Cheerilee reunites with her twin sister—one of the most famous wrestlers in Equestria. But when Cherry Blossom gets injured, Cheerilee is forced to take her place in the ring.
Quick Review - As with most Jay Fosgitt's stuff, cute, but a lot of fluff and not much to carry an interesting story. (6/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #1: King Sombra (Major) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Sombra, Radiant Hope
Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance discover King Sombra's diary and learn of his rise to power. But before that, how he was a sickly outcast, a troubled young amnesiac whose only friend was the equally strange Radiant Hope, who still had imaginary friends.
Quick Review - Much needed backstory for Sombra, and very well done at that. His connection to Radiant Dawn feels genuine, and his corruption by way of shitty crystal ball is absolutely tragic. My dude just wanted to go the Crystal Faire ): Also Princess Amore fucking dies. (9/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #2: Tirek (Recommended)
Characters - Tirek, Scorpan, Sendak
Summary - Tirek, young and ambitious, sneaks out of his royal families castle to visit the unhinged sorcerer Sendak to learn more about magic. Scorpan is worried about his brothers ambitions.
Quick Review - Doesn't add much character depth to Tirek, but it's suitable. Presents a lot of cool ideas not explored as thoroughly as they could be. Leaves a lot up to interpretation and head canon. (7/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #3: Sirens (Non-Canon)
Characters - The Dazzlings, Starswirl
Summary - The fate of the world is determined by a music battle, and if the Dazzlings win, all is lost. This is not Rainbow Rocks.
Quick Review - Not a single character acts in character, and while the other Fiendship issues are take themselves pretty seriously, this one is drastically different tonally and opts for comedy. Which really sucks, because I wanted actual backstories for the Sirens. Humor falls flat as well. (2/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #4: Nightmare Moon
Characters - Nightmare Moon, Nyx (Not that Nyx)
Summary - A recently banished Nightmare Moon attempts exacts revenge on Princess Celestia through the world of dreams. The Nyx, the keepers of the dreams, will not allow it.
Quick Review - I much prefer Nightmare Moon as a manifestation of Luna's negative emotions over depictions a corrupting parasitic entity. Story is serviceable, a bit sad, nothing noteworthy. (6/10)
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FIENDship is Magic #5: Queen Chrysalis (Major)
Characters - Twilight, Chrysalis
Summary - The Mane Six visit the imprisoned Queen Chrysalis, who recounts her past exploits.
Quick Review - Case of unreliable narrator here. Chrysalis implies that changelings are made of pure dark magic, which is an idea I actually quite like, but having them reform like they did would say otherwise. Story is sorta all over, like a Chrysalis anthology short. (6/10)
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Friends Forever #16: Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon
Summary - Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon compete against the Cutie Mark Crusaders in a scavenger hunt.
Rating - Smokin' hot goth pony makes an appearance. (7/10)
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FiM #30-31 (Ponyville Days)
Characters - Rarity, AJ, Twilight
Summary - Civil War over a land dispute or something, can't really be bothered with this one.
Quick Review - As far as I remember, this is one of the issues that gives everyone in Ponyville a crippling case of "has to wear a helmet while outside". Dumbing down characters to make a story work is obnoxious. (3/10)
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Friends Forever #17: Twilight & Big Mac
Summary - Twilight takes a trip into Big Mac's brain to learn how to focus as well as he does.
Rating - (7/10)
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Friends Forever #18: Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy
Summary - Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy go to their flight camp reunion.
Rating - Pretty adorable. (7/10)
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FiM #32-33 (Night of the Living Apples)
Characters - Mane 6, Spike
Summary - Apples take over Ponyville. Our heroes turn into bats. This is not a crackfic.
Quick Review - Batpony designs are pretty damn cool. Story is whatever. (5/10)
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FiM #32-33 (Night of the Living Apples)
Summary - Rarity gets carried away when she goes into business with Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
Rating - (6/10)
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Friends Forever #20: Luna & Discord (Recommended)
Summary - Princess Luna helps Discord when he has trouble sleeping.
Rating - Neat character dynamic. Good stuff for Luna and Discord. (8/10)
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FiM #34-37 (Siege of the Crystal Empire) (Major) (Non-canon) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Sombra, Mane 6, Chryssi, Umbrums
Summary - A mysterious new villain brings several of the series' past antagonists together to attack the Crystal Empire.
Quick Review - I want to keep my gushing about this one brief. The umbrum design and lore are some of the best things to come out of the comics. This Sombra is infinitely better than the one in the show. I definitely didn't cry at the end because i'm a big boy. (9/10)
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Friends Forever #21: Spike & Zecora
Summary - Spike and Zecora save Ponyville from a disease, and only they are immune.
Rating - (7/10)
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Friends Forever #22: Celestia & Pinkie
Summary - Princess Celestia tasks Pinkie Pie with making the perfect cake for Princess Luna's birthday party.
Rating - Barely any Celestia. (4/10)
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Friends Forever #23: Applejack & Fluttershy
Summary - Applejack and Fluttershy become involved in the search for a legendary creature called the Pigasus. They must keep its existence a secret.
Rating - No Kirin (5/10)
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Friends Forever #24: Rarity & Gilda
Summary - Gilda enlists Rarity's help in designing uniforms for a new sports team in Griffonstone.
Rating - (6/10)
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FiM #38-39 (Don't You Forget About Us)
Characters - CMC, Diamond Tiara, Snips, Snails
Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Snips, and Snails become lost in the mountains during a class field trip. AB and Diamond Tiara are forced to learn how to work together.
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Friends Forever #25: Rainbow Dash & Twilight
Summary - Rainbow Dash seeks Twilight Sparkle's help after her wings mysteriously vanish.
Rating - Weird body horror. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #26: Shining Armor & Prince Blueblood
Summary - Shining Armor is forced to work with Prince Blueblood on a diplomatic mission to Yakyakistan.
Rating - Holy shit they made Blueblood redeemable. (8/10)
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FiM Issue #40 (Twilight meets Spike)
Characters - Twilight, Spike
Summary - You know, it's exactly how it sounds.
Quick Review - Very cute. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #27: Pinkie & Granny Smith (Recommended)
Summary - Pinkie Pie offers to help Granny Smith after she breaks her hip right at the start of cider season.
Rating - Precious. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #41 (Rainbow Dash and the Very Bad Day)
Characters - Zecora, Rainbow
Summary - Rainbow Dash is being a c**t, and enrages literally everybody else in Ponyville. In other words, they captured her character just right in this one.
Quick Review - I like rhyme schemes, but I hate bluefast. (4/10)
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Friends Forever #28 Princess Luna and the Cutie Mark Crusaders
Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders assist Princess Luna during a foal slumber party at Canterlot Castle.
Rating - I like bone pony. (6/10)
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FiM Issue #42 (A Pinkie Pie Story That Pinkie Pie Kinda Sorta Remembers) (Recommended)
Characters - Rarara, Ponker Po
Summary - Pinker Pop, still cooling off from her ten month long cocaine binge, tries to help Rarity make a gift for a friend very special to her.
Quick Review - Very cute, very funny, cried. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #29 Rarity and Maud Pie
Summary - Rarity assists Maud Pie in her rock science interests and helps her discover her inner enthusiasm.
Rating - Nice Maud character development. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #43-45 (Ponies of Dark Water) (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Mane 6, Luna, CMC, Spike
Summary - The Mane 6 bathe in cursed waters and become distorted versions of themselves. Pinkie Pie becomes a domestic terrorist.
Quick Review - I like the part where Pinkie bombs a movie theater potentially killing dozens of ponies. Hilarious. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #30 Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance
Summary - Twilight Sparkle helps her sister-in-law Princess Cadance when she suffers from an unexplained lack of self-esteem.
Rating - I quite like this little arc for Cadance. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #31 Rainbow Dash and Little Strongheart
Summary - Little Strongheart seeks Rainbow Dash's help in finding a legendary creature called the Rainbow Crow.
Rating - Little Strongheart, where ya been for six years dude? Beautiful art. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #32 Fluttershy and Daring Do
Summary - Daring Do enlists Fluttershy's help in uncovering an ancient treasure. She must also face her arachnophobia.
Rating - Better than the actual Flutters/Do episode. (7/10)
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FiM Issue #46-47 (Election)
Characters - Twilight, Mayor Mare, Donald Trump
Summary - Mayor Mare struggles in her bid for reelection, against definitely not Donald Trump guys I swear.
Quick Review - Haha I lied, but like I totally got you though right? Like it was super subtle? I bet you didn't even catch on. (5/10)
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Friends Forever #33 Applejack and Cherry Jubilee
Summary - Applejack learns the secret history of Cherry Jubilee.
Rating - Cherry Jubilee is pretty hot. (6/10)
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FiM Issue #48-50 (Chaos Theory) (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Discord, Starlight, Mane 6
Summary - An astronomical event causes Discord to transform from a creature of chaos to a being of pure order. But not all is at seems with the newly minted Accord.
Quick Review - Starlight gets one arc throughout all of these comics. luckily it's pretty good. She gets some good character growth. Accord is pretty god damn terrifying. Actual sound logic is used to best the villain, which is pretty rare. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #34 Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich
Summary - Pinkie Pie and Cheese are eaten by a possessed party house. Seriously.
Rating - (6/10)
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Friends Forever #35 Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer
Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer's attempt to organize the books in the Castle of the Two Sisters turns into a battle of egos.
Rating - This would have been much better is not illustrated by Fosgitt. It doesn't suit this more weighty type of story. (7/10)
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Friends Forever #36 Rainbow Dash and Soarin (Recommended)
Summary - Rainbow Dash follows Soarin to a remote location to help him with a dangerous mission.
Rating - Great Soarin and Spitfire moments. (8/10)
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Friends Forever #37 Rarity and Trixie
Summary - Dude, it's got two of the best pones. Read it.
Rating - (7/10)
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FiM Issue #51-53 (From the Shadows) (Major)
Characters - Mane 6, Donut Steel
Summary - The edgiest OC to ever exist begins to erase Equestrian history from books and minds, in fear of his heritage catching up to him.
Quick Review - Super interesting villain motivation, terribly generic villain design. (7/10)
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My Little Pony: Deviations
Characters - Prince Blueblood, Mane 6, Nightmare Moon
Summary - Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Prince Blueblood was sent to Ponyville instead of Twiliight? No? Too bad, dude.
Summary - I would have loved to have gotten more deviations. Read about Blueblood being an arrogant prick for half an hour. It's fine. (6/10)
​
Friends Forever #38 Princess Celestia and Princess Luna (Recommended)
Summary - Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's minor squabbling escalates just before they plan to participate in the Sisterhooves Social.
Quick Review - Friends Forever Finale. Andy Price outdoes himself yet again. Hilarious and Heartwarming. (8/10)
​
FiM Issue #54 (I Didn't Read This One)
Summary - No seriously, didn't read it. Fosgitt, Fluttershy, fluff, the three F's of i'm going to be fucking bored. Maybe it's a masterpiece. I'll never know.
​
FiM Issue #55-56 (Wings Over Yakyakistan)
Characters - Rainbow, Rutherford, Ember, Spike, Pinkie
Summary - When the dragons invade Yakyakistan over an ancient treaty, it's up to heroes to defend the Yaks and try and diffuse the situation. Spike doesn't like the idea of fighting his own kind.
Quick Review - Let it be known that I would have been totally cool with the Yaks getting destroyed. Typical let go of the past, look to the future stuff. Rainbow's parents are here, and they are fun, and Spitfire gets a bit of extra love, so (7/10)
​
FiM Issue #57 (Apinkalypse Now)
Characters - Pinkie, Mane 6, Discord
Summary - Pinkie Pie accidentally becomes trapped in Discord's realm. If you wanted to see more of Chaos Pinkie, then here you go.
Quick Review - I really like the how the chaos dimension is shown in the comic, in that adapts to the current owner if they themselves can't be turned. You'll notice by this point the writers will do whatever in their power to make sure Starlight can be written out somehow. (7/10)
​
FiM Issue #58 (The Vines That Bind)
Characters - Twi, Flutts, Zecora, Cattail, Aqua Vine
Summary - Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Zecora follow the notes of Mage Meadowbrook search for a flower said to cure any ailment. The search soon becomes an obsession for Twilight, determined to get her name in the history books.
Quick Review - Dude, Twilight, you already saved the world at least seven times. That Magenta Bloom shit would just be a footnote. Overall pretty forgettable. (5/10)
​
FiM Issue #59 (Pie in the Sky)
Characters - Rainbow, Pinkie
Summary - Jesus Christ Pinkie she doesn't fucking like pie. We had a whole episode about just this. We didn't need a comic to teach the same lesson. That's a;lso your review. (3/10)
​
FiM Issue #60 (The Stars on Our Ponies)
Characters - CMC, Gilded Lily
Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders help a filly who doesn't want to follow in her family's footsteps. But she is scared to disappoint them if she does pursue her own interest.
Quick Review - Gilded Lily's design is absolutely adorable. She also looks like she tastes pretty good, like Oranges n' Creme. Solid one-off. (7/10)
​
FiM Issue #61-62 (Convocation of the Creatures!) (Major)
Characters - Twilight, Raven
Summary - Twilight Sparkle makes a discovery during the largest assembly of creatures in history that threatens to redraw the map of Equestria.
Quick Review - Glenda canonically has a stutter, making her best changeling. Good bit of overbuilding in this one, without falling into the common trap of making the convocation feel too modern. (7/10)
​
FiM Issue #63 (All in Marederation)
Characters - Twilight, Pinkie, Temperance
Summary - Ponyville gets swept by an anti-sugar movement that threatens to put Sugarcube Corner out of business.
Quick Review - MLP's thinly veiled take on the Temperance Movement. Another one where all of Ponyville is turned into exceptional individuals. (4/10)
​
FiM Issue #64 (Everything Old) (Recommended)
Characters - Rarity, Fluttershy, Coco Pommel
Summary - Fluttershy and Rarity travel to Manehattan, where Rarity discovers that old, ugly fashions are back in style.
Quick Review - I absolutely adore the message here. Things you made when you were younger that you maybe embarrassed of now don't have to be cast aside and forgotten. Rather, look to them to see how you have improved and how you can still improve. Coco is a QT. (8/10)
​
My Little Pony: Legends of Magic Annual 2018 (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - The Pillars, Pony of Shadows
Summary - The Pillars of Old Equestria face a new danger that tests their skills as a team. One that they may find feels a bit like a deja vu.
Quick Review - I really like the relationship between Stygian and Rockhoof here. I wonder if Starswirl was always meant to be a dickhead? Green Pony of Shadows looks badass as fuck. Also, Somnambula is cute as hell. (7/10)
Edit - Consider there are twelve of these. I am not awake enough to add them all. Read' em. They're pretty good lore stuffs.
​
FiM Issue #65 (Queen for One Less Day) (Recommended)
Characters - Celestia, Scarlet Petal
Summary - Princess Celestia disguises herself to live among ordinary ponies for a day. But when her magical necklace is stolen by a thief, she may lose the ability to turn back into herself for good.
Quick Review - I love this comic. Shows off the best parts of Celestia's character. I'm running out of synonyms for heartwarming, so just go read this one. (8/10)
​
FiM Issue #66 (Applewood Follies)
Characters - Mane 6
Summary - Twilight Sparkle and her friends discover that a film is being made about them. But when the director hands them the reins, they discover it's harder to make a movie than they thought.
Quick Review - I'm really not a fan of more modern tech in Equestria. I don't mind it at all if it's used as a background gag, but here, where it's the plot of the comic, I just find it obtrusive.
​
Ponyville Mysteries Issue 1
Characters - CMC, Nurse Redheart
Summary - "Welcome to a new series of mystery and intrigue! The Cutie Mark Crusaders discover their inner detectives and solve crimes nopony else can! Will they be able to discover who is stealing supplies from Ponyville hospital and get their schoolwork done at the same time?"
Quick Review - None of these are particularly engaging, so I won't review the rest. When I figure these mysteries out all by myself like the grown man I am I feel particularly proud, like I just solved a crossword puzzle they have on those Kiddie menus at iHop.
​
Ponyville Mysteries Issue 2
Characters - CMC, The Dude
Summary - "There's a major mystery at the... bowling alley? Ponyville's team is set to break a bowling record, but the alley keeps being ransacked by a mystery criminal! Will the Cutie Mark Crusaders be able to set the pins right and solve the caper?"
​
Ponyville Mysteries Issue 3
Characters - CMC, Old People
Summary - "The Cutie Mark Crusaders must solve a dangerous mystery at the Ponyville Retirement Village before it's forced to close! Is one of the curmudgeonly residents to blame or could it be a villain from their past?"
​
FiM Issue #67-68 (Tempest's Tale) (Major) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Tempest, Cadance, Glitter Drops
Summary - Tempest Shadow travels across Equestria to learn more about friendship and comes face-to-face with her past.
Quick Review - These issues do wonder for Tempest's previously scarce character. If your a fan of Tempest, or especially if your not a fan of Tempest, check these out. Smug Cadance is best Cadance. (8/10)
​
Ponyville Mysteries Issue 4
Characters - CMC, Applejack
Summary - "The Cutie Mark Crusaders are trying to solve the case of the missing spa water! But what happens when all signs point to a member of a Crusader's own family being the culprit?"
​
FiM Issue #69 (Magical Apple)
Characters - Pinkie, Mane 6
Summary - Pinkie gets god powers. Again. Didn't we do this already?
Quick Review - Oh, Pinkie, maybe someday somebody will figure out how to write you well again. (4/10)
​
Ponyville Mysteries Issue 5
Characters - CMC, Rarity
Summary - "The Crusaders have their biggest case yet when a priceless artifact belonging to superstar Songbird Serenade is stolen!"
​
FiM Issue #70 (Extreme Bingo)
Characters - Golden Horseshoe Gals, Rainbow, AJ
Summary - Grannies Gone Wild 2!
Quick Review - Grannies Gone Wild 2! (5/10)
​
FiM Issue #71 (Happy Haunts)
Characters - Student 6
Summary - Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship students experience Nightmare Night in Ponyville for the first time. Things don't exactly go as planned.
Quick Review - I hate this issue. Not because it's bad, but because we are teased with infinitely more interesting stories. I want to see the princesses on Nightmare Night, like the cover! I want to see Shim and Glim's NN, like on the first page! Fucking cocktease. (4/10)
​
FiM Issue #72 (Pie in the Sky, Again)
Characters - Pinkie, AJ, Pear Butter
Summary - Applejack discovers an old Apple family pie recipe and seeks to recreate it for Granny Smith. Along the way, they meet ponies who her mom has touched in her life. I wouldn't mind being touched by Pear Butter.
Quick Review - Standard. Wholesome. Sweet. (7/10)
​
My Little Pony: Nightmare Knights (Major) (Highly Recommended)
Characters - Luna, Stygian, Trixie, Capper, Tempest, Daybreaker, Eris
Summary - Princess Luna assembles a team of former villains to face a new threat to Equestria.
Quick Review - I cannot recommend this arc enough. Every single character gets a chance to shine. Stygian gets much need development. Eris and Daybreaker make a menacing evil duo. The villain casino makes a great setting. Sunset Shimmer gets a cameo. (Even though her and Starlight are once again shafted.) Capper absolutely steals the show. Tempest is a bit more brutish than she usually is, but as we don't know much about her anyway, that's a very minor gripe. (9/10)
​
FiM Issue #73 (Copycats)
Characters - Fluttershy, Twilight
Summary - A magical amulet causes Fluttershy to become more animalistic.
Quick Review - I have no idea what the fuck what went on in this issue or why. It's a mess. (3/10)
​
FiM Issue #74 (On the Mane Stage) (Recommended)
Characters - Zephyr, Fluttershy, Silverstream, Pixie Cut
Summary - Fluttershy's brother Zephyr Breeze attends the All-Equestria Mane Styling Conference.
Quick Review - Even Zephyr Breeze can snag a qtπ hairstylist gf. There is hope for us yet, bros. Could you tell i'm down a third of a bottle of Grey Goose by this point? (7/10)
​
FiM Issue #75-78 (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Cosmos, Twilight, Discord, Fluttershy
Summary - The Mane Six's quest for the fallen stars of a missing constellation puts them on a collision course with their most galactic adversary yet. Discord's clingy ex wife who still hasn't received any child support.
Quick Review - They don't even bother to write Starlight out anymore. She just doesn't exist. Cosmos isn't as fun of a villain as Eris or the Storm King, but she's serviceable. I do like her design. Discord puts his past behind him for good physically and metaphorically. (7/10)
​
FiM Issue #79 (The Ponyville Anniversary Spectacular) (Highly Recommended) (Major!)
Characters - Sunset Shimmer, I don't know I don't remember the rest
Summary - Fuck you it has Shim Sham.
Quick Review - Sunnybutt jams out on a guitar at the end. (11/10)
​
My Little Pony: Spirit of the Forest
Characters - CMC, Filthy Rich, Diamond Tiara, Mayor Mare
Summary - Something about a forest mystery?
Quick Review - Lackluster follow up to the amazing Nightmare Knights. Stop giving the CMC mini series you hacks. (4/10)
​
FiM Issue #80 (Live-Action Role Pony!)
Characters - Mane 6, Bulk Biceps
Summary - The Mane Six play a live-action role-playing game. The usual Pinkie hijinks ensue.
Quick Review - I'm so use to using LARP as an insult now, it's weird to see it in an endearing manner. Fun little adventure issue. (6/10)
​
FiM Issue #81 (Pretty Fly)
Characters - Scootaloo, Rumble, Rainbow, Wind Sock
Summary - Scootaloo and Rumble learn about the only Earth pony to become a member of the Wonderbolts.
Quick Review - Heartwarming. Seriously, someone get me thesaurus. (6.5/10)
​
FiM Issue #82 (Dog-Dog-Dogged Determination)
Characters - Rarity, Mane 6, Celestia, Cerberus
Summary - Rarity is tasked with giving Cerberus obedience training after he leaves his post at Tartarus again.
Quick Review - Dude, Rares, never change. (6/10)
​
FiM Issue #83 (The Strange Case of Silver Blaze)
Characters - Twilight, Spike
Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Spike investigate when a famous racing tortoise goes missing.
Quick Review - Less Sherlock Holmes and more Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. This is a good thing. (6/10)
​
My Little Pony: Feats of Friendship (Major) (Recommended)
Characters - Student Six, Swift Foot
Summary - Come one, come all, to the School of Friendship's very first sporting event-the Feats of Friendship! As Sandbar, Smolder, Gallus, Ocellus, Yona, and Silverstream prepare for the new competition, they realize they're going to need one more pony to round out their team. Enter Swift Foot, a mysterious new exchange student! But will she help strengthen the Young Six's bonds of friendship-or just drive them apart? Jealousy threatens our favorite youngsters in this brand-new miniseries!
Quick Review - This is by far and away my favorite Student 6 depiction in the franchise. It shows off very well how far they have come and how well they work together as friends and individuals. Swift Hoof makes for a great antagonist, trying to plant seeds of resentment but realizing that it doesn't work on the students and realizing her own faults. Dom Athenian Warrior waifu also included. (8.5/10)
​
FiM Issue #84 (Identity Crisis)
Characters - Ocellus
Summary - Ocellus struggles to complete a big project for the School of Friendship midterm.
Quick Review - Man, I wish my problem was that I was so booksmart I had trouble fitting it all into my creative outlets. What a fucking struggle that would be. But I understand wanting to be a perfectionist, and that sucks. Amazing insight as usual by me. (5/10)
​
FiM Issue #85 (Apple Bobbing)
Characters - AJ, AB, Big Mac
Summary - Applejack teaches Apple Bloom the meaning of courage by telling her the story of how she conquered her fear of the water when she was little.
Quick Review - A whole lot of touching moments between AJ and AB. A very cozy little story if you ignore the giant spider. (7/10)
​
FiM Issue #86 (Marble and a Hard Place)
Characters - Maud, Marble Pinkie
Summary - Pinkie Pie and Maud Pie help their sister Marble make friends by helping her throw a party.
Quick Review - I love the Pie family, dude. The chemistry between them is something we don't get to see often enough. (6.5/10)
​
FiM Issue #87-88 (The Fast and the Furriest)
Characters - Big Mac, Rainbow, Angel
Summary - Rainbow Dash and Big McIntosh take part in the Draytona Breach 500, which an antiquities dealer uses as cover to smuggle a priceless artifact.
Quick Review - Meh. (6/10)
​
I can finally pass out now.

A FISTFULL OF SLIME
Intro:
Jcole:
Here ye members of the court! A tale of legend I..Jcole, have come to report!
From fire and steel to gold and ice!
To drip to drown, with virtue or vice?
In our fair land of rhyme and rhythm
What is now whole shall fall to schism
The King Youngboy, the great lord Drake!
From Kanye to Uzi’s Eternal Atake!
Great powers come to move and shift
Lend ear to my tale
And let your mind drift.
38 Baby the Second
*Whole cast celebrating in the streets for youngboys album release*
Ensemble:
Oh its time its almost time! The Great rap day awaits!
Oh it's time to drip or drown
With Youngboy’s sacred Tape!
Kanye:
I had a twisted fantasy!
Chief Keef:
And I made Finally rich
Polo G:
But next to youngboy’s greatest work we all seem like his bitch
Quando:
You old heads are so dramatic.
Ensemble:
Oh its time it's time! Everyone get frantic!
Oh it's time to drip or drown
With Youngboy’s latest antic!
Drake:
Oh youngboy of greatest slime!
This work I can't await!
For when it falls upon my ears
I'm sure that I will faint!
Youngboy:
Yes I know my little slimes I know you want this flame
But before all the hype explodes just let me say its name!
Ensemble: Thirty Eight Baby Two!!
*Ddawg nudges Quando, whispers in ear *
Both in unison:
Attention crowd! let the man speak treat his words with respect watch your attention peak.
*Quando looks at youngboy and winks, youngboy bows head slightly*
Youngboy:
ok ok, I’d like to thank you all who came to hear my proclamation.
From all corners of the nation
we build up a foundation
with hard work-determination and no incantation.
and no nothing was built on the back of 38 so I’d appreciate if y’all could wait
just a little while longer. But my what an honour to rule this fine fief or rap lords and trap queens alike and despite
the wars ending our economy’s not!
And we’ve made a play onto the global stage and stole the spot!
*Kanye points at watch*
Light, right. In conclusion our peace is might tight. But 38 2 is not ripe; believe me I’m trying to write fast and I’ll have it ready in a right flash.
Drake:
thank you for your attentive ears loyal subjects, now disperse.
Scene 1:
*The party fades and most leave, except Drake Kanye and YB*
Drake:
Ha Ha, what a show Your Slimeness!
The populace can't wait!
this album will change the game
right from under our feet all over again.
Youngboy:
Yes...Yes they did seem excited didn't they?
I just hope I can live up to it.
Kanye:
How could the first king to win his throne on one one album alone possibly disappoint.
Youngboy:
You miss the point
Drake:
let alone your ascension to the throne was spectacular now you’ve got that tone plus your vernacular *hand kiss food thingy* you're magic is here. you’ve got the people eating from the palm of your hand. True power my boy there is no equal and be most careful, for there is not always a sequel.
Youngboy:
thank you Lord Drake, Lord Kanye.
*Enter Quando Rondo and Ddawg*
Quando:
YooooOOOO! You know it’s Quando and Ddwag about to tear it up and you know I feel my talent flarein, my boy YB bout to drop the heat. But then why his company looking older than 1st street?
Ddawg:
Word.
Kanye:
I can’t believe they made it past my guards again.
*Youngboy shoots Kanye a dirty look and Kanye recomposes*
Youngboy:
I’m glad you guys are here I’ve-
Quando:
wait wa wait wat, it can wait. I’ve just received an invitation from a trio of lucky maidens to accompany them to the tavern
Ddawg:
it’d be dope to hang out as a group again.
Youngboy :
it would be
*smiles at Ddawg*
but knowing you, we’d probably end in a drunken brawl over somebody’s honour.
Quando:
like you don’t love it.
Youngboy:
that may be so, but I’ve just got a lot going on right now and with 38 2 so close, dont worry about it. As soon as 38 baby 2 drops We’ll all go out drinking fine henny until we burst.
Ddawg:
let’s make it Molly water , can’t Stand the scent of Hennesey after last time.
Youngboy:
alright
*Both look at Quando who is playing hard to get*
Quando:
ok but you’re buying.
Youngboy:
when didn’t I
*Mockingly curtsy*
both: my lord
*Youngboy laughs until he realized Kanye is glaring at him the same way he was earlier and recomposes*
Kanye:
that’s enough
*Q&D exit *
Kanye:
you know my liege, you didn’t have to bring them to the capital with you.
Youngboy:
what’s the point of being king if I forget where I came from?
Drake:
besides the boy is young, let him have his fun while he can
*pats YB on the back*
Kanye:
You know I always loved this part of the Castle.
The Hall of Kings.
From Pac to Pump
All our fabled leaders represented in carti’s glory.
One day you can be up there Youngboy.
Along with the Greats.
Youngboy:
Would you two leave me for the night?
I wish to do some thinking.
Drake:
But of course.
*Drake and Ye exit*
The Pressures of Clout
Youngboy:
Kings of Old Instruct me! Tell me what to do!
How can I make a new album, that can live up to all of you?
They all want another Untouchable, they all want another Dream
But they don't think about what it takes
To achieve that kind of Gleam
I just need more time but release day is coming
I just need the drip and the top to keep coming
I just wish that something would take their mind off it!
I just wish that I had time to enjoy my profit
I need more time
All the days that spent writing, was all for not if they don’t like it?
Even when I hear it, I know that it’s not perfect (and they deserve perfect)
The past is wall I can’t break through, the future an abyss, that holds true
I just wish that something would take their mind off it!
Just long enough to a polish all its gleam to shine!
I need more time.
If Im to do it right
the people want it done right,
tight. I’ll sit and type and every day and every night ill write
the lyrics out and print em out I’ll use my mind to the peak of it's design.
Cuz that’s part of the slimelight!
I’ll write until I lose sight I’ll write until the albums right.
And yeah I might just write until I drop dead but you have no idea how much I’ve bled! The streets discuss my album and I’m all bed if I die in the pursuits of slime then at least I’m all red.
But alas I ramble and rave in my spot
Savage asked how much I cried
A lot
I must seek council in these dark times.
I should speak with the Oracles.
*Exit Youngboy*
Scene 2:
*Enter Jcole*
Jcole:
And so Youngboy seems to lack the flame
That once had empowered him to change the game
The Council of three, he will now approach
The Migos almighty do now encroach
*Exit Jcole*
*Youngboy into Chamber of the Oracles*
Youngboy:
Oh wise Migos, oracles of trap
How can there be a who’s king afraid to rap
I made my first album with time as my leisure
And now that I've won I just can't stop the pressure! How do I tell the kingdom it’s just not ready?
Quavo:
King Young Boy that ain't why you came (Nah!) so let’s not play that game
Offset:
You're looking for a way to delay and sing more time
Quavo:
King slime you will soon encounter an immovable wall
(mama)
Offset:
and an endless abyss
(on sight)
Quavo:
to counter this you must accept the wall and jump willingly to your death
(takeoff)
Youngboy:
I needn't tell you I’ve no clue of what you speak.
Quavo:
heed our warning king!
Three migos:
a dark cloud broods over the king and thus the kingdom
Offset:
a time of strife and then some approaches
Three Migos:
even now it encroaches!
Quavo:
it toils alone and alone it is in anguish, soon to be released it's dreaded verbal ambush
Takeoff:
hiding with roaches it dwells in scwaller, yet it thinks itself a grand baller. It hides it's content and harms those it holds dearest! it do!
Youngboy:
hides it's content, verbal ambush? surely you don’t mean to say I am this cloud?
Quavo:
we tell you what we see, a simple prophecy
Takeoff:
we would not dare to tell the king what he thinks it means
Youngboy:
you mean to confuse me further? It is an irony most harsh that you can see the future yet deliver it in ways no less cryptic than the present! I came here to seek council not reproach and yet I leave further in shambles than when I came! I doubt not your words though sting me they do, perhaps I was hasty in accepting the Kings throne. I bid farewell for I wish to be alone.
Scene 3:
Youngboy:
It’s getting late, perhaps you’d best go to you chambers no?
Takeoff:
indeed king you are right
(right)
Offset and Takeoff:
Carti be with Ye king
Quavo:
you’ll need him
*Exit YB and migos*
*Enter Drake, revealed to have been listening*
Drake:
Get in here you fools,
While we are alone!
*Nav and Tory Lanez stumble in from their hiding places*
Drake:
You heard what just happened.
Not only is the king losing his will and unsure about his album, but the oracles have predicted doom to his reign!
Nav:
Is this where we come in big slime?
Drake:
It is exactly what we have been waiting for.
The boy is no tyrant or fool, but he is no one
to rule the kingdom. He lacks wisdom, and experience.
Tory Lanez:
Which is why he needs to be replaced.
For the good of the kingdom of course.
Drake:
Yes but how to challenge him?
His power from his rise still lingers,
And he has the love of the people!
Nav:
how could they not sir, his album was a certified hood classic
and it did bring about an era of unprecedented peace and econom-
Drake:
Silence fool! or have you forgotten your loyalty? If you’ve no ideas on how to de throne that brat then shut it.
Tory Lanez:
If I may sir,there is a man I have dealt with in the past who can grant what we seek.
I could have him for an audience within the hour.
Drake:
Very well, Nav Summon him.Let's hear what this Mr-
Tory Lanez:
Tecca Sir
Drake:
Right, what this Mr Tecca has to say
Twin Glocks
Knock on door at beat drop of song
Drake:
Proceed!
*Tory takes a knee at door*
Tory: allow me, to present the honorable scoundrel with no moral compass
*In strolls Tecca (skull topped cane) and the music changes to a 1930’s grimy Cajun swing*
Tecca:
you did fine my old accomplice
Now let’s get to the subject you want a certain child with a shiny chain to disappear don’t you? And I can tell from your lack of fear, I haven't told you? I have been here before. Many times in fact and each time it’s amazes me what an archetype I find with that gripe in mind of a dirty rotten king that left you behind. Now you don’t have to tell me but let’s roll the dice if you’ve still got the nerve, let’s discuss my price.
Drake:
you think you know me? Hah I’ve taken more lives than a OG I’ve told more lies than we’re told to me and I’ve dwelt with snakes for years. And Don’t talk about my fears. But if your fares are fair and the affair in order let’s start there.
Tecca:
I want land
Drake:
land? Done. I know better than to ask what for.
Tecca:
no need I’ll tell you, I’m opening up a casino. I’m not much of a gambler but I play a hell of a house.
Drake:
HA not so dull for an assassin
Tecca:
Oh I'm much worse than that my friend.
Drake: let’s hope
Tecca:
now tell me what you want 😉
Drake:
Im plotting on his down fall!
Nav and Tory:
ooooooh yeah!!
Drake:
I'm breaking out my flows
Nav and Tory:
O V O
Drake:
But I need something to take from king NBA
Something to get him away!
Tecca: that’s where I come in
Drake:
What's that nowww!
Tecca:
what’s happenin?
Goons:
Oh wow wow!
Tecca:
what’s up what’s up
Tecca:
Mr Graham my esteemed regards
You're an astute man but you're a grand mirage
We'll i've got something to turn his ice to shards
You can't beat his flow and you can't match his drip, but what if youngboy were to take a trip?! Ahhh
Drake:
Watch it
Tecca:
you want it easy? A clear path to the throne room? Well when I’m done the kingdom will owe you!
Drake and Nav:
damn right!
Tecca:
You take these twin glocks
Drake and Goonies:
Damn right!
Tecca:
and then you wait and see!
Goonies:
Oooh yeah!
Tecca:
and if you’ll follow me you’ll take him far from see
Drake:
taking youngboy for Ransom!?? I cant pull that one!
Goons: nooo no no
Tecca:
That's why you take The youngest one, and watch that youngboy run!
*music stops*
Drake: Ddawg
Where are you Ddawg
*Enter Main Kingdom cast*
Kanye:
Where could he be!
Chief Keef and Polo G:
Where we cant see!
Ensemble:
Oh ddawg you have left us! Oh ddawg don't forsake us
!!
Youngboy:
Tell me you saw him, oh somebody saw him, they just must have seen him I can't believe it!
Drake:
I searched all his favorite taverns and his home!!
Ensemble:
I heard him say it was because of the album
Youngboy:
Noooo this can't be
Ddawg would not leave like this!
Was this part of migo’s prophecy?
Nooo that can't be!
Ensemble:
it wouldn’t have happened if you dropped the album!
Chief:
What will you do oh big slime!
Ensemble:
Oh What can you do oh big slime!
Nav and Tory:
38 baby can't come in this state!
Drake:
Be quiet buffoons let the boy take the bait!
My King I can't help but realize
That your album has not materialized
Maybe if it was finished
Ddawg would not have vanished
Youngboy:
Yes. That's right. This is all my fault!
I am no man fit to be king
I don't belong here, in the palace of bling!
Youngboy:
I must take leave to bring ddawg back
the only explanation is he’s been kidnapped!
And the album...must wait for my searching spree.
I won’t release 38 baby 2 till Ddawg free!
*youngboy darts around the stage getting ready to leave*
*Entire ensemble musical gasp*
Ensemble:
till he’s free!
Kanye:
what a mess
Ensamble:
till he’s free!?
Drake:
too perfect, I must confess
Ensamble:
Till he’s free, free, freeeeeee!
*End song*
Scene 4:
Quando: I assure you folks my friend, uh, our king, will have 38 2 released on schedule.
Kanye:
for once the boy is right my liege we must prevent a panic. I give you my word as your general and friend that I will send the best men at my disposal and personally control them until Ddawg is found.
Drake:
the boy’s distress is profound let him take leave now or he’ll not drip well and drown!
Youngboy:
enough!
*long pause*
*looking at Kanye*
Youngboy:
You promise you’ll do everything you can, use every means at your disposal?
Drake:
surely my liege you mean reject this proposal!
*Youngboy raises a hand to silence drake(pissed off)*
Kanye:
yes sir, every means at my disposal.
Youngboy:
dismissed.
Kanye:
as you wish.
*Nav to tory*
The boss will be pissed!
Drake:
as you wish your highness.
*Lights dim as kanye and drake back away, crowd disperses, quando is left standing looking at Youngboy with worry*
*Low key piano*
Quando:
I’ve known you how many years?
Youngboy:
so many it’s not a matter of years
Quando:
im not a man of many fears but Ddawg is naive, and truthful to a fault. He’s like a younger brother to me.
Youngboy:
to us both.
Quando:
you see what I mean? let me go looking. You’d do the same.
Youngboy:
no!
Quando:
why not!?
Youngboy:
we’re not kids on 38th street anymore Quando, you are known as the kings best fiend, if you travel into the wastes you’ll be taken for ransom!
Quando:
you don’t know that!
Youngboy:
I won’t lose another friend because I can’t drop an album
Quando:
Well then we wait for Ye’s men.
Youngboy:
You know I can't do that.
Ddawg is my responsibility, and I will find him myself
Quando:
You can't be seri-
Youngboy:
You have always known better than to try and change my mind,
even before I was king
I’ll find him and I’ll bring him back, .
Quando:
Just promise that whether you find him or not, you will return to us
And Here take these clothes, they should disguise you on your journey..
Youngboy:
I promise Quando. And thank you.
*Exit Quando, Enter Drake*
Drake:
Sire, you should see this. A letter, seemingly left by ddwag.
Youngboy:
Open it.
Ddawg:
Yo Youngboy I hope this finds you well
Last night Quando drank until he fell.
He’d’ve broken his neck but a stranger caught him, told me it was his duty to serve the king and his army.
Like it or not we’re your best friends and like it or not we’re with you to the end but I’m not a kingsmen.
I want a life where I’m not best friend to the king or living meal to meal, is this life’s only deal for me? I wander through the streets so frequently and almost as commonly I’m asked “when’s 38 bay 2 coming, how long”
I don’t know!
It’s all too much. I hope you guys understand, I know Quando will.
Look, I’m going to the wastelands, I know I know they’re dangerous but I’ll wear a disguise and I’ll be careful who I
Talk to. I’m going to find out who I am apart from all this 38 2 hype. It’s like 38 street right? Watch your back, stay on track and be the first to attack.
See ya later home boy
You know the name with the most game, Ddawg.
Youngboy
Prepare the foriegn, I depart within the hour. I will have to see if I can bring that poor boy back,It's the least I can do.
Drake:
Do you think you can return youngboy?
Pardon me for speaking out of turn, but it seems like
If you can't produce and album, than there are those who would say you are unfit to rule.
I of course will support whatever your choice is your slimeness.
But consider the kingdom, the people.
Youngboy:
What they say is correct lord Drake.
I am no king, Im but a young boy.
I'm sorry I won't keep that promise Quando.
*Exit Youngboy*
*Enter Nav*
Nav:
What shall we do with the prisoner sire?
Drake:
Spill him. Discreetly. We have no need for ddawg to ever surface again.
*Exit Drake*
Scene: 5
*Enter Drake and Kanye*
Kanye:
Where is the king drake.
Drake:
Gone. To where I do not know.
Kanye:
When will he return?!
Drake:
I doubt he ever will.
I think he understands now, why he was unfit to rule.
One good album doesn't make a king.
Kanye:
What did you say to him Drake.
Drake:
Nothing he wasn't thinking himself.
We should not be grieving over the loss of a boy who played king.
You and I need to focus on the future of this kingdom.
About getting back what was signed away in the peace treaties, what is rightfully ours.
Do you forget our sacrifice? Do you forget the wars of the east and west, or the Altantan invasions?
Kanye:
I could never allow myself to forget.
But I do not boil in anger over wars of the past.
Wars that saw thousands die? And for what?
Spots on the billboard?
Drake:
Exactly, the wars became pointless once that king forced us to compromise.
We could have used his album to dominate the other kingdoms!
Luke Bryan would be hanged, Weezer exiled!
How many of our brothers died to rid the world of enemies that youngboy decided were our friends! I didn't get a say. The Dead didn't get a say!
Kanye:
And what would you have us do?
Lead the world into war again, because us old men cant escape our own failure?
Because it took what you call a boy to make the mature decision and end the bloodshed! I don't always understand the King, but I do understand when I see a good man, and youngboy is a good man! Better than you or I could hope to be after what we have done!
Drake:
If you won't rule with me.
Than I will rule without you.
*Drake and Kanye begin to battle, violently clashing as old men past their prime.
Kanye:
Give up drake, I was always the better fighter.
Drake:
You were. And that's why I needed help.
*Nav and Tory come from behind and knock kanye down*
*Quando enters the room*
Quando:
My Lords Im afraid the king-
Kanye:
Quando...The Guards now!
*Tory knocks out kanye*
Drake:
Quando. Oh Quando my boy Im so sorry.
But Kanye..
He-he poisoned the king before he could leave.
He tried to take the throne for himself. And he nearly succeeded.
No matter how far he is, youngboy im afraid has but mere hours to live.
Quando:
No...That can't be.
That simply...Can't Be!
Kanye was a friend he would never!
He could never!
Drake:
Believe me Quando.
I've known the man my whole career.
And not even I was wise enough to stop it.
I must go. A high lord who cant save the king from a man he has known for life is a lord who cannot rule.
Quando:
….No
Drake you must stay.
You almost died trying to save him.
Plus you are the only high lord we have left.
We need you to lead the kingdom.
If you will do it. Its what..
Its what youngboy would have wanted.
Drake:
What you ask is a lot Quando.
But for youngboy. For you.
I will try.
*Exit Quando*
Tory:
What do we do with the traitor my lor-King
Drake:
Let Baby and Gunna have him.
Im sure some time on ice in the eternal drip
will sort out kanye’s attitude
Drifting Slime
*Enter youngboy*
Youngboy:
Alone!
Roaming through the landscape!
A new kind of closeness with Vlone!
A mixture of fear and excitement!
Away from the pressures of home!
But then I remember poor ddawg
The one who I caused to be lost
I just should have listened to Quavo
And my closest friends paid the cost!
I deserve to wander alone!
I don't belong ruling a kingdom!
My arrogance would destroy the throne!
My Ignorance has beaten my wisdom!
So now I will walk
Looking for him
Hoping to set things right
And then we'll talk
I will send him back home
And I will still wander the night…
Youngboy:
Really Ddawg, couldn’t you have ran off to the kingdom of Indie instead?
*singing in distance*
Youngboy:
at last a tavern! Surely they know what way Ddawg went!
*youngboy enters tavern*
*Fantasy drinking song melody, pirate like*
Macklemore:
We drink to the health of our King!
Chorus:
we drink to the health of our king!
Macklemore
That he be wise in his rule!
Chorus:
that he be wise in his rule!
*youngboy smiles*
Macklemore:
But if he ventured here!
Chorus:
for his life he should fear!
Macklemore:
Well there’s a place and time for royalty but I’ve no time for royalty
They take and make the laws to boot
Then turn around and
Everyone: take our loot!
*youngboy shuffles over to the bar and tries to blend in*
Russ:
Well my names Russ and I made a livin!
*cheers*
Feeding the troops and on their misgivings
*cheers*
Then Barbarians went and took my field. And the crown did nothing, but expects me to yield?
*jeers*
G-Eazy:
My names gerald and most of you know me
*cheers*
And if you don’t pray you don’t owe me!
*cheers*
I was a banker of sorts, putting hearts in bags of course
*jeers*
But my deposits where good till my deposits where stole and the kingdom took my bank!
Chorus:
who do we have to thank!
Macklemore:
Well we drink to the health of king
Chorus:
and pray that he never comes!
Macklemore:
Well he’d be wise to follow that rule
Chorus:
no matter, he’s a royal tool!
Lil Xan:
*obviously drunk*
My name is uh.. Xan I think
*cheers*
Hey Russ, go and fetch me a drink!
*to the point!*
I ran a trap house of hoes with no blouse then the government took it away!
*Xan falls of stool and young boy catches him*
Youngboy:
It’s fair to think what you want young Xan, maybe the king doesn't care. But surely the peace and prosperity can bring pride for us all to bear?
*dead quiet, music stops*
G-eazy:
who are you?
Russ:
who are you?
Xanl:
who are you?
*The guys brandish weapons*
Bartender(Kendrick):
what do you intend to do?
*Macklemore walks over smiling nervously, and ushers the men to calm down*
Macklemore:
Nothing, nothing, it's just rare to see newcomers in this part of the waste.
Especially ones with such...exotic opinions.
*The Men walk away with Macklemore and Youngboy sits at the bar*
Scene 6:
Youngboy:
I’d offer you a drink in the way of thanks but…
Kendrick:
Not much of a drinker actually, providing a haven for these outcasts just keeps me busy in my old age. Now what brings a man like you here?
Youngboy:
what makes you think I’m any different from the rest of the riff raff?
*Youngboy buys drink*
Kendrick:
Despite what you see, I was once more than a humble barman, and I can tell someone from the capital when I see one. Not to mention that you don't seethe with the same hatred of the royal line as the drifters in here.
Youngboy:
May I have your name good sir?
You have done me service, and I like to remember folk that have.
Kendrick:
Most just call me Barman these days, but once I was known as Kendrick.
Those were different times altogether.
Youngboy:
If my memory serves me correctly, than I seem to recall that the man known as kendrick was a man of some renown. In fact he had produced some of the kingdoms most powerful albums during the great wars. So why leave to come bartend out here?
Kendrick:
The short answer, I was conflicted, misusing my influence, Im sure sometimes you have done the same. Abusing your power full of resentment? I couldn't keep living in that political world, so I took what I had and made this place, as a haven for those in the kingdom down on their luck, or struggling, the little slimes who need to eat.
Youngboy:
If you don’t mind me asking, what’s with the hatred of the crown here?
Kendrick:
Didn’t you hear em, we all lost something, whether by war or by peace someone always gets the short end of the stick.
Youngboy:
I thought the kings last album brought prosperity to the whole kingdom.
Kendrick:
38 baby? That album brought prosperity alright, as long as you're one of the sods lucky enough to live in a city or Carti forbid, the capital.
Youngboy:
so none of you are anticipating the sequel?
Kendrick:
Hah! You’re either the funniest bloke to come in here or the stupidest!
*both laugh youngboy takes a nervous drink*
Youngboy:
listen, to tell you the truth I’m in search of a friend of mine, he went missing from the capital and I’ve been searching for a few days trying every place I can find. *shows a picture of Ddawg* do you remember seeing him pass through here?
Kendrick:
Not at all mate, sorry.
Youngboy:
It’s no problem, thanks for the drink.
Bartender:
Before you go, let me tell you something.
These wastes, are strange places, the space between the genre kingdoms, between worlds. Some say that if you wander long enough, spirits of the past can show you what you seek. Of course it's only a legend.
Youngboy:
I suppose wandering is all I can do at this point.
*Lights fade to black*
Scene 7:
*Enter Main Cast, Drake speaking to the kingdom*
Drake:
As we all grieve of Youngboys loss
I will regrettably hold the throne as the only loyal high lord left
After the disgusting betrayal by Lord Kanye.
I swear to you citizens, that this kingdom shall regain the respect and strength it once commanded. No longer shall we fraternize with kingdoms that should pay us tribute.
Once again in this terrible time, we will bond together, and we will become stronger.
And for that to occur, the power of the crown must become stronger.
Chief Keef:
I know the Council has it's issues but it has always served the Kings well.
*Councillors agree*
Drake:
I don't intend to dissolve it councillor Chief Keef I only ask that it be handed less power. At times like these we must unite as one clear voice to reassure the people all is well, you surely wouldn’t want riots in the streets would you councillor?
Chief Keef:
Of course not m'lord
Drake:
Then I see no further topic of discussion, today's meeting is dismissed.
Polo G:
There is one other thing, my...King
There are reports of unrest in the outer territories, Lord blueface of criponia wishes to request that he be allowed more autonomy for his domain, they don't like that we are using their resources for your new projects, especially if these projects take us to war again. They are quite firm in their demands, and other local Lords in the outer lands are requesting the same. They also seem to call into question your legitimacy as king sire.
Drake:
Tell this “Blueface”, that the days where the king could be pushed around by minor lords are over. I will do with his kingdom what I see fit, and I will use their wealth as I wish.
The Resources of the kingdom, and it’s outer territories are to be funneled towards the creation of the album.
Chief Keef:
Will we be attempting to finish 38 baby two sire?
Drake:
Haha, no Councillor Keef, I'm afraid not.
The new Album will be my Magnum Opus.
More Life 2.
*Most exit, except Drake and Quando*
Drake:
You see my boy politicians are ravenous beasts, one must keep their wits about them to survive such a hunt.
Quando:
Surely then this castle is a jungle and I, a tasty meal.
Drake: How so?
Quando:
Well the way I see it, I am all that remains of Youngboys living legacy, to win the trust of the people one must display me above their mantle.
Drake:
Your thoughts are too morbid for a man of such youth, but perfect for a beast of the stone jungle!
*both laugh*
Quando:
He is really gone huh?
Ddawg and Youngboy both in one day!
I just can't accept it.
Drake:
I understand how you feel Quando.
I have been in the game for a long time now
And losing friends is a feeling I know too well.
Please if there is anything you need, just ask.
Quando:
Yes of course
Thank you, uh My King
Drake:
Call me Drizzy Quando
You are a friend of the Royal line
And you deserve a position as such.
How would you like to be hand of the king?
Quando:
It would be an honour my ki-uh drizzy!
Thankyou!
I won't let you down!
Drake:
We will do great things together Quando.
Great things.
Scene 8:
*Enter Jcole*
Jcole:
Youngboy is Lost
And Drake thinks he’s found
Both of them have yet to cover much ground
Our story continues with Drake at his keep
Meeting his council
While Youngboy does weep
*Exit Jcole, Enter Youngboy*
Youngboy:
I'm never going to find Ddawg.
I have to face it. I ignored the migos, and I drove him away.
Just further proof Im not strong enough to drop my album,
Let alone be king of anything.
*Youngboy wandering around a barren waste, goes to drink water but is out then he spots a withered tree, collapses against it and starts humming a tune.*
Youngboy:
perhaps I will rest here a moment
*closes eyes and begins to die*
Ethereal voice:
Youngboy
Ethereal voice:
youngboy awaken, it is not yet your time
Youngboy:
B-Bobby Shmurda? The King of the Past?
But how?
Bobby S:
It is true, I have passed on, and by carti’s grace I linger a spirit.
I have been waiting a long time for you to come to me Youngboy.
It is time you learned what every king must learn.
How to be who they need you to be.
Youngboy:
how do I know your not just a mirage?
BobbyShmurda:
I’m afraid you don’t but I know that you are real and so are the troubles that befall your kingdom.
Youngboy:
Yes, 38 baby 2 isn’t nearly ready and now Ddawg is missing because if it .
BobbyShmurda:
That is beside the point.
Youngboy:
what?
Bobby S:
You worry about your album, is it because you doubt your ability or do you doubt your ability because you worry about the album?
*youngboy visibly confused*
Youngboy: both?
Bobby S:
Your friend is gone,And I'm afraid it is worse than you thought.
Youngboy:
Whatever do you mean spirit? If ddawg is in trouble I must go to him at once!
Bobby S:
Not until you can answer my question.
Youngboy:
This is no time for games!
Tell me Bobby where is he?
Bobby S:
I believe I made myself clear, did I not?
Youngboy:
Very well. I will answer your question.
BS:
What caused the fall of Prince Juice Wrld?
Youngboy:
How am I supposed to- *sigh* okay uh well after his EP flopped his province went into a period of extreme poverty and ruin so perhaps, making a wack album?
Bobby S:
No
Youngboy:
I’ve no time for games Sir Shmurda and my patience is wearing thin. If you know where Dda-
Bobby S:
you will die
Youngboy:
What? Well Who doesn’t I suppose. But what’s that got to do with-
Bobby S:
Listen young king, if I tell you where Ddawg is you will die for you are not yet ready to face those who have taken him.
*youngboy thinks*
Youngboy:
Then teach me. Show me how to beat them.
Bobby S:
Iit will be a difficult journey and even after my training I can’t guarantee that you will succeed.
*Youngboy who was looking down as BS talked brandishes a smile*
Youngboy:
I’ve never had a guarantees my entire life. Give me your best shot.
Bobby S:
You remind me of the great king PAC at your age. He was also stubborn to a fault.
*Youngboy chuckles*
Bobby Shmurda:
and brave.
*Exit All*
Scene: 9
*Enter Drake, Quando, Chief keef, and Polo G*
Chief:
Well Drake,If you refuse to ride and meet with this “Blueface” What are we to do? He and other lords of the outer lands gain support with each passing day. Soon if nothing is done it shall come to civil war!
Drake:
These “Separatists” whether it’s Blueface, Tekashi or any others
Are just a mild annoyance. My Hittas are more than sufficient to repel any invasion from this Blueface in the West or 6ix9ine in the east! Right now the kingdom needs to focus on the development of my new album, More Life 2. And my plans for conquest of the other kingdoms.
Polo G:
The other kingdoms should be our allies, we can ask Weezer for help with these Border Rebels! Chief Keef is right Drake, W\with threats to the kingdom growing on the inside,
We need external allies or els-
Quando:
Show some respect!
Polo, Chief!
You question your new king!
You call him by name?
The King is right, we need to secure the homefront.
Without 38 baby 2 we need an album to sustain the kingdom.
Chief:
And you think that album is More life 2?!
Drake:
This meeting is over
Don't make any decisions you will regret councillors.
Quando with me.
*Drake and Quando leave*
Chief:
Hey Polo
Send ambassador stitches to the Duchy of Weezer,
Maybe he can get an assessment from them of how the outer lands are looking.
If the king doesn't care about keeping the kingdom whole then we have to do it ourselves.
Polo G:
Agreed. I just don't get it, Ddawg running away?
Kanye Killing the king?
And the only ones to see it were Drake and his cronies?
None of this makes sense.
Chief:
Drake and his toronto Goons
Are hiding something.
Ovo is up to something
Chief:
I don't like this new direction, I don't like this kind of flow
The situation reeks of mischief, how does no one seem to know
Polo G:
Drake is king, and ye is gone, having to hear new nav songs!
They're scheming with their evil drip, no ye no youngboy this is it!
Chief:
Ovo is up to something
Polo:
Nav and Tory good for nothing
Chief:
Mandatory Drip inspection
Polo:
lets teach drizzy drake his lesson!
Chief:
We need a plan, we need something to spill them
Polo:
Well there was something I think I heard them mention!
Some twin glocks that drake bought lowkey! They got ddawg for their evil scheme.
Chief:
It's just you and me we gotta make do, we save the game and maybe 38 baby 2
*Exit Chief Keef and Polo G, Enter Drake and Migos*

I'm tired of starting all of my campaigns inexplicably in a tavern. What are some other ways you've seen a campaign start?
1: You were all involved in a war that's now over, visiting the sight of one of the most gruesome battles. Maybe you're here because you lost someone you cared about in the fight. Maybe you wished you could have been in the fray, but were held back. Maybe you ran from the fight and guilt drove you back here.
As the sun sets, the spirits of those long dead soldiers begin to reappear, all marching in the same direction. Will you follow?
2: All PC's were captured by the guards of a large city and sent to hang (the reason for this can be up to the player. Wrongfully convicted, career criminal, spoke out against the leadership, etc.). At the last moment, right before the lever is pulled, an arrow takes out the ropes and smoke bombs explode around you. You are quickly whisked away by your saviors, down a dark alley and into a secret hide away.
Your rescuers reveal themselves to be the most powerful and feared criminal syndicate of the country, and your life has a price. A very large ship of theirs carrying illegal goods that they won't specify (stolen gold, drugs, maybe even slaves for an interesting twist) went missing in a cove, along with any groups sent to search for it.
If you can find the ship, bring back the cargo, and not be caught by the guard in the process, you walk away rich and free.
3: The PC's are in a medium sized town, checking the local bounty board for work (why their here is up to the PCs). They quickly come to a disturbing realization: All of them now have a price on their heads.
4: An annual ceremony in the town takes place at the graveyard, unusually large due to the war-torn country. It's basically a carnival, where families gather around the graves to reminisce and celebrate the lives that once were. Chaos quickly erupts as the deceased relatives start clawing their way out of their caskets, attempting to kill their past loved ones.
5: beaten and bloodied, the PC's are left for dead, tied to trees in the middle of the forest by a local bandit group. What they didn't realize is that they tied you up right next to the mushroom circle of a local fey. She agrees to release you all on one condition: kill the bandits that have been ransacking her forest for supplies.
6: Inspired by elder scrolls, oblivion: You all are invited separately as illustrious guests to an esteemed and very wealthy manor. As soon as all of you enter, all of the doors slam shut and lock magically behind you. A disembodied voice is then heard throughout the manor: "kill eachother. The last one of you left standing will go free." Will they do as the voice commands? Or will they work together to uncover the mystery of the manor and escape?
Could end very quickly, but has a lot of potential. Could even have player characters come back as undead if killed by another person, solely bent on hunting down any members that remain.
7: You are all attendees to a wedding. You each may or may not know each other, but you do know at least one of the couple. As they are trading vows, assassins burst through the doors, killing the couple before anyone can act.
8: The local university hires the party as body guards for a scholar who is transporting his revelatory research to the capitol. During the journey, the scholar is assassinated, and his research is stolen. Now the party themselves are the subject of much suspicion. If they can solve the mystery of the assassination and recover the research, their names will be cleared.
9: In various locations, though various circumstances, the members of the party have been captured to be sold into slavery. They begin on a slave ship headed to market.
10: Each player wakes up in a wooden box (a coffin) buried in a shallow grave.
11: For one reason or another, the party has all signed up for an arena, either they are placed on a team together to fight monaters, or pitted against each other (depending on your group).
They can go through the arena or the arena can be interupted by something (an assassination, explosion in the city). Either winning the prize money, ir having arena officials be skeptical of them or asking for their help.
So many option you can go, and it usually starts with pretty quick combat.
12: You see a man post a notice on the notice board, saying local mansion needs help defending against nightly hauntings. That night you go to saod mansion and find corpses that have been there at least a year
13: In Medias Res: The players are in a town, and the town is under attack! The Fighter's guild, mages guild, churches, and even the thieves guild are all rushing to help hold the line.
14: Everyone wakes up on a beach, surrounded by the aftermath of a shipwreck.
15: The characters wake up in a jail cell, their heads throbbing from the previous night's apparent bender. The guards want to know how an NPC died. Could either have the players make it up, or hand them pieces of paper telling them what they remember.
16: The players are abducted by aliens. They have to figure out where they are, why they were abducted, and how to escape.
17: Characters are all in a market when a merchant stands on a podium and begins to speak. He shows off some type of item (can really be anything you want it to be), boasting that it is completely priceless/extremely powerful. Out of the crowd, someone jumps up onto the podium, knocks the merchant to the ground, and runs off with the item. The merchant screams, "Stop them! I'll give 1,000 gold to whoever can bring them back to me alive!" The players give chase.
18: Characters are all in a market of about 100 people, going about their business. One by one, they each realize they've been the victim of a pickpocket. They look around and see that everyone around them is having the same look in their eyes. They quickly discover that every single person in the market has been pickpocketed, and no one noticed. Was it a highly organized criminal group? A magically enhanced rogue? A trick of an illusion spell? The PC's aim to find out.
19: Characters are all soldiers in a war, and have been gathered by a superior officer for a special mission.
20: Characters all died prematurely in the same event, the Fates/some deity is upset about it. They all meet in whatever equivalent of purgatory you choose, and are sent back to the mortal plane stop whoever is interfering with fate.
21: Characters are all on a trade caravan(for whatever reason) when it is attacked by X type of monsters. The monsters are more organized than normal, and all have some kind of badge/insignia that indicates allegiance to something. The characters can choose to investigate on their own, or will be requested to upon arrival at their destination, after the caravan head reports to the Watch that they distinguished themselves in the fight.
22: You are all travelling on a riverboat in a deep canyon to the furthest-most city on the edge of civilization.
The riverboat is attacked by Kobolds (or any sort of enemy, this is a great chance to use something uncommon and exotic) on ziplines that steal supplies from the boats that ply the river. The players are the only ones capable of defending themselves and the boat.
23: You all wake in a field, lying in a circle with your feet towards the center, where the ground is scorched from a small explosion. Placed delicately in the middle of the scorch mark is a single page ripped from a journal.
You know who each other are, but have no idea how or why you met, or how you got here.
24: You are all invited to a ballard performed by an incredibly famous bard. As the performance goes on, the PC's notice that everyone around them has been petrified besides themselves. The bard then says, "Now that I have your attention, I have a favor to ask..."
25: You are all invited to a Ballard performed by an incredibly famous bard. At the end of the performance, you walk out side of the theater to see that the town you were just in is deserted and overgrown. As the other patrons walk out, they turn to dust and collapse to the ground right outside, with the people behind them quickly following, not noticing what's happening right in front of them. The only people who survive going through are the PC's. They slowly discover they've somehow been teleported one hundred years into the future.
26: You are all invited to a Ballard performed by an incredibly famous bard. As the bard continues their performance, his entourage quickly and discreetly locks all doors and bars all windows. By the time the performance has ended, all of the audience is surrounded by 30-50 archers, all with crossbows at the ready. From the back of the stage, a lich comes forward. You are all to be used as a sacrifice to give life to a new lich. Can your party stop the cult and save the audience?
27: In a village far to the north, a group of onlookers gawk at the sky (your PC's included). They've always seen the northern lights over head, but never as spectacular as this! With mixes of purple, blue, and green bands intertwining and coalescing throughout the sky, the whole village is lit up by the bright light. But it looks as if the bands are getting....closer. slowly but steadily coming closer to the ground.
Finally, as the bands of light sit just above the buildings in the town, you realize: each of these bands of light are a colossal cloud of wisps, at least a billion in number.
28: at the invitation of a royal gnome tinkerer, your party meets along with at least 20 other adventurers in a palace carved into a mountain. The gnome steps forward and speaks to you all:
"I have called all of you here today because I need a crew of the bravest, strongest adventurers that this world has to offer. For I have developed a revolutionary new form of travel that will take us to places never seen before!"
"I call it, the Star Sailor!"
29: The local university hires the party as body guards for a scholar who is transporting his revelatory research to the capitol. During the journey, the scholar is assassinated, and his research is stolen. Now the party themselves are the subject of much suspicion. If they can solve the mystery of the assassination and recover the research, their names will be cleared.
30: After going to sleep for the night in their separate domiciles, the PCs share a vivid dream. They open their eyes to discover they have all somnambulated to a small shrine to a forgotten God, in the nearby countryside. This group of strangers, frightened and confused, wonders why they were called.
31: In recent years a new phenomenon has cropped up: people throughout the land are being born with strange patterns on their skin. The PCs, each having a perfect holy symbol on their back, have been gathered at the temple for examination.

1. The PCs are all freelancers, and a mutual contact (a Fixer) has found a job for them which requires all their unique talents. They have to meet with the employer's representative (Mr. Johnson) to receive details and their initial payment. The location in question is at the docks, as the person will be departing on a ship immediately after the meeting. They are given details on how they will get paid after that.
   
2. There's a good reason this one doesn't start in a tavern. All of the PCs have run afoul of the gang that runs the local, and they have to either side with that gang's enemies (who aren't the PCs' biggest fans either), or somehow repair their reputation.
   
3. All of the PCs are in the employ of an eccentric wizard who does not leave his tower. Prior to this, they had never directly met - but a murder has taken place and their employer needs information to solve the crime. (Nero Wolfe)
   
4. You're an ex-military unit of Lawful Good PCs, and you found out that the general and his staff worship Bane (or another LE deity). Being the only witnesses to the evil, you are convicted of a crime you didn't commit. The campaign starts on the caravan to jail. (A-Team)
   
5. All of the party is on the same boat voyage, whether across a sea or an ocean, when the boat is attacked by pirates. If they're not defeated the pirates steal trade goods while their leader gives an intimidating speech on the other boat. The party now knows a) there are pirates, and b) what the leader of the pirates in this area looks like. Any NPCs on the boat spread word of the party's deeds when they reach land.
   
6. A scholar of the ancient, extinct cyclops race hired the PC's as body guards. They were ancient warriors who were immortal and had the ability to see briefly ahead in time. They became larger, stronger, and able to see farther into the future as they became older. You travel with him to the ancient cyclops ruins of one of their largest cities. After traveling a day and a half just to reach the center of the city, you arrive upon a circle that looks like it used to be a stadium of some sort. After walking into the center, he pulls a large vial from out of his coat, and smashes it on the ground at your feet. Suddenly, the buildings around you rematirialize, and your surrounded by a large group of extremely surprised cyclops, currently in the middle of a political meeting.
   You've been sent eons back to the past. Will you attempt to find the reason for their downfall, and try and save them? Or will you try and find your way back, ignoring their future demise?
   
7. A country with an incredibly storied past is known to pay adventurers VERY well, due to a long history of them being saved from peril by legendary heroes and dragon slayers. Word has spread of a highly organized group of kobolds terrorizing this country. They are not merely raiding trade caravans, their isolating settlements, taking over whole towns and making the citizens slaves. The PC's meet at the capital either to help, or earn easy money. They are tasked with taking out a nearby kobold compound, scouring the capital and probing it for weaknesses. They have been ordered to take back the kobold warchief head as proof of their deed, which will adorn a spike on the city wall.
   

Before leaving, the king sends his personal body guard, a rangerogue to lead you to this compound. He seems extremely reluctant at first, but the king forces him to go. He tries his best to stay as far from combat as possible, almost like hes looking to bolt at the nearest opportunity.
During the course of the encounter, the kobold warchief catches the party by surprise, swinging a battle axe straight at the bodyguards head. The battleaxe literally cracks in half, with the bodyguard not even flinching. He immediately reaches behind on instinct and grabs the kobolds head, crushing it into pieces inside it's plated helm.
After the party questions him, he reveals that he is actually an ancient brass dragon, as old as the country itself. He considers the country his home, and loves being a part of the humans. He has often protected them, or even spinned tails of himself defeating dragons that had been terrorizing the area, bringing back one of his own scales as proof. Almost every legendary warrior in the countries history was actually him, in human form.
This kobold threat is new, though. They are the slaves of a red dragon, who heard tales that an ancient brass dragon had been hiding here. He wants to take him and his country as his slaves. It is up to the party to fight him and his slave army back, alongside the brass dragon.

1. The party has been conscripted to fend off a cult from overthrowing the local lord. The general of the army and the lord are vassals of a corrupt, failing dynasty.
   
2. Mad Margull’s Mysterious Menagerie and Miracles Show is in crisis – all the performers are desperately ill from the basilisk egg soufflé. So, the party meets as stand-in performers providing: Stunning Showcases of Strength and Stamina, Amazing Aerial Acrobatic Acts, Spine-tingling Sorcerous Summonings, Stupendous Stories and Songs, Accurate Archery of Apples atop Audience heads, and *Complete Conversations with Crabapple Trees…Tonight only!!!!
   Curtains close and the wagon cabin surrenders to darkness. The group of complete strangers ringed around the table links hands and are encouraged concentrate…concentrate…concentrate. The crystal sphere centered atop the table begins to glow, and the séance begins…
   
3. Doing their civic duty, the party joins together as an impromptu jury in a witchcraft trial.
   
4. Seeking free drinks, each has joined in as laborers at a brewery and wine-making faire.
   
5. A bolt of lightning sparks from the sky to the top of an individual and jumps from person to person in a busy market. For a moment all five (Four? Three?) people are enveloped in light and joined by lightning bolts. Afterwards, they appear unhurt and undamaged. Why them?
   
6. Each PC has a flashback to an event in there past that could have ended catastrophically but at the last second something happened. (Almost fell asleep on guard duty, and would have missed the Assassin comeing for the king. Or playing with a friend as a child they bump into an oil lamp in a barn.) But in the vision everything falls apart and they see themselves saying "I would give anything to..." after a voice in there head says "I've come to collect."
   
7. The annual goblin hunt contest. The local town gets together once a year, everyone signs up and is put on a random team. (The players are on the same team, but it was random) The goal is kill as many goblin's as you can. The time of the event Sundown to Sunrise, and takes place in the forest. Each person has two Firefly jar's attached to them to prevent friendly fire.
   
8. A meteor strikes the town next to yours a hour ago, the local guard is are asking any willing body's to help with the rescue, and see what happened.
   
9. A carriage large enough for the party pulls up and the door opens to let you in. There’s no one driving, no one inside and the carriage is pulled by skeleton horses. Do you get in?
   
10. You've all woken up in a grave yard, in holes 6 feet deep. One of you is currently having dirt shoveled on you.
    
11. The PCs were all hired by different people to do the same job. When they run into each other at the job site, the first question is "Why is this job so important that so many people are willing to pay for it?"
    
12. The PCs were all hired by the same person to do several different jobs at the same time. Each PC also received a note only to be opened when their job is done. That note gives the name of another PC (no two notes have the same name) and an offer to double their payment if they kill that person. (Best to save this one for groups that are okay at handling inter-party conflict, of course...)
    
13. The PCs were all members of the same criminal gang. They're picked by the boss to carry out an assignment. When they come home, the city guard/police have swarmed over the gang's hideout. One of the guards/cops is holding a list of known members. Time to relocate.
    
14. Each party member books passage on a ship heading for a local city. Each is on his or her own business. They're caught in a rift/wild magic surge/whatever you want and instead of docking at the target destination, the ship puts into a port far, far away from the original destination. From there, they can be in trouble because it's an enemy country, they can't get back because they don't have enough money, or some other hook you like to keep them there. This could also work with a merchant caravan or some other group travel method. large pieces of hostile geography could serve to keep the PCs in the new location at least for the beginning of the campaign.
    
15. Party meets in a casino. They're suckered, either together or individually, such that they owe more than they can pay to the casino's owner who is also a local fixer. He's on the hook to map out a stretch of dangerous, unknown country, however large you want. To get rid of that problem, he offers to outfit the party with what they need, including a cartographer if no one has a compatible background, and then bullies them into performing the mapping mission to clear their debt. From there, they can run into whatever hooks you need to start your campaign somewhere in the wild. and if they abandon the mapping mission as a result, then they have a villain chasing them (the casino owner) who can pop up when they least expect it.
    
16. For a less-then-good party (depends on each character's back story): The party is in prison, working at hard labor. They know each other's names, but not much more. they're on the same work detail, working outside the prison walls. Farming near a swamp, mining in a guarded shaft, farming in harsh weather conditions near a large forest. Take your pick. A monster runs through the work detail, killing the guards but leaving the party alive. Or a wild magic storm, or a war party from the local bandits or a neighboring but hostile country. Bottom line: guards are gone or dead, the coast is clear. Each party member is on the hook for a long sentence, guilty or not is up to you and their back story. They can get basic equipment off the bodies of the fallen guards and then it can either be a quiet escape into a nearby city from where they need to book passage out as quickly as possible...or a wild chase through a swamp or forest being pursued by angry guards and tracking dogs. They can escape outright or find a helpful NPC who hides them while dropping the first hook to your campaign in the process.
    
17. The party are all young adults in the same family. If races become a problem, then remember adoption as part of the back story. A low-rank noble family is easiest since those kids would be trained in straight D&D classes as part of their education -- knight, ranger, cleric, even wizard. rogues could be rogue-centric rangers or they could be bad-boy nobles who spend too much time with the wrong crowd in the local city so they actually develop first-level rogue skills. A creative backstory is required for each character. Once that's done, then something happens to the family. A patriarch is convicted of treason, the family is ruined and cast adrift. Or the kids unwittingly commit a crime -- they hurt the son of a local king, they accidentally release some long lost horror that was being kept beneath the family castle. Two other directions might be a peasant family, though this will require some creative back story-ing for why an entire family of peasants would be trained in non-serf skills. but if you can work that out, then the village could be ransacked or the family could go bankrupt forcing the oldest kids to hire on as caravan guards or something to support themselves and the family. The final direction would be an upper-crust noble family. Princes and princesses of a major nation. A coup casts the family out and the campaign is about regaining the throne.
    
18. The party are all low-level employees of a local thieves guild. They don't have to all be thieves. Fighters can be enforcers. priests can be back-room healers. wizards can be tool makers or simply in debt to the guild master and trading services for debt-reduction. again, dependent on a character-specific back story. The campaign starts when the players attend some kind of general meeting -- they're all at the neighborhood capo's tavern on separate business maybe (paying debts, paying tribute, reporting on operations, etc). A rival thieves guild suddenly attacks, mostly wiping out the PC's guild. The PC's an a very small number of unknown other survive and must escape the city before the rival guild finds and neutralizes them. That's why they stick together. They can run towards your first campaign hook if you make it part of one of their back stories, or they can run for the nearest safe haven and encounter the first campaign hook there.
    
19. (From DND memes, which got it from tumblr user probablyfunrpgideas) The players are a squad of government investigators, trying to prevent monsters from claiming new habitat. Making sure abandoned properties are sold and dont remain vacant too long, trying to keep people from stockpiling loads of alchemical/magical ingredients in one place, etc. Its mainly negotiation, but sometimes people have an interest in attracting dangerous entities for their own purposes.
    
20. Maybe your party dies in the middle of a campaign, maybe they died separately of natural causes. Either way they all "wake up" next to each other, in a cold and bleak mirror image of the regular world. You can all feel it in your bones. Something is coming. You have only minutes to talk and prepare before whatever it is will be there.
    

As it gets closer, you can make out what is on it's way. A creature standing at least eighteen feet tall is shambling awkwardly towards you. It is vaguely humanoid, with three legs of slightly different lengths all jutting from a central point at where it's pelvis would be. It has six arms, four of which are holding human sized cages (it can be more if the party is larger than this). It's hands bend in the opposite direction of a normal humans, curling sickly out from it's body. The body itself is deathly pale and malnourished, clearly showing the veins and musculature beneath the skin. It has a normal head, but is absent a face. It has sunken in skin where it's eyes would be, with cracks covered in dried blood at the center. A long, jagged crack in the skin also stretches across where the mouth would be. A spike twice the length of a spear is stabbed downward through the creatures ribcage. At the upper half of the spear, a lantern with a blue flame is attached.
If the players manage to steal the lantern or kill the creature (it may be large and swing pretty hard, but it is practically unable to avoid attacks with its awkward gait and has no outside armor whatsoever. Removing the lantern from the creature will cause it to immediately drop to the ground, lifeless.), they will discover that releasing the flame sends them back to the material plane, in the middle of the wilderness. The lantern is still with whoever opened it, albeit it's no longer lit.
They just managed to do something no other living being has ever done. They have obtained one of the lantern of the collectors, a literally priceless artifact that can bring people back from the dead, and traverse the dead realms. Now they just have to figure out how it works.

1. Strange groups of identical looking adventurers have started roaming the country, taking on assignments for very little money. You gotta figure out who they are, where they came from, and how to stop them before they take all your work.
   
2. A fallout new Vegas one. Basically the group all wake up in a doctors office with no memory, only a letter explaining they were delivering something to a location.
   
3. In the central city of the empire/nation, during a major celebration, the king is assassinated, and resurrection spells fail when cast on him. There is a major bounty placed on discovering why.
   
4. Your party is a bunch of strangers that has been framed for a crime. Now your group has to work together to prove their innocence and put the real culprits behind bars!
   
5. All members of party are found in strange place.. no floor, no ceiling, no nothing. They are just floating around. Suddenly, man dressed in black suit walks in, and proposes a deal. The party is going to hell either way, but if they help him out, he might secure them a way back to mortal realm.
   
6. All the PC's are in a huge open air bazaar in the center of a large desert fortress town (they do not need to know each other or be shopping together). Suddenly, a young boy (early teens) comes crashing down through an awning of a nearby stall, a short sword in one hand (still sheathed) as a merchant and several of the local guard chase him yelling "Stop, thief!"
   
7. The party is all half human and half other races looking for their shared parent.
   
8. All members of your party are part of the town guard. Monster attacks have been on the rise lately and a nest of goblins/orcs/whatever has been discovered and your party has been sent to wipe them out (along with other soldiers who, alas, don't make it.)
   
9. The PC’s all meet in a gnomish tinkers shop, looking to get their pocket watches repair. Oddly they all have pocket watches that have stopped on the exact same time.
   
10. All the PCs are going about their own business in the market square. Suddenly time stops and everyone and everything is frozen for 3 minutes, apart from the PCs.
    
11. All the PCs meet out in a field next to a large flat topped rock, having received a note to be there at this specified time and date. A flapping gushing sound starts softly getting louder and louder until thud, a body from the sky hits the rock. Clasped in the bodies hand is a note which reads ‘avenge me’.